TwilightGuys Report: Twilighters Attack
April 30th, 2008 at 6:00 am by Kaleb Nation
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TWILIGHTERS ATTACK
“My first experiences with the Twilight series was actually quite
violent. I went to an arts high school where the common goth reigned
supreme. Being a guy surrounded by all these artsy female types, it
is easy to say that Twilight swept through the school like forest
fire, and everyone was bitten by its ‘sparkling’ beauty. So the mob
of twilighters was formed. My little group, mostly comprised of
vampire worshipping women, were going on their rants about who’s the
better boyfriend for Bella, and, being a naive and curious
individual, I decided to say that “Who would want a salivating
vampire on their neck?” BIG mistake. Long story short, mob of angry
women jumped from the tables, preaching their twilight cult, holding
their books like Bibles, and had me etched into the pavement. They
ambushed me in swarms, cornered me against walls, whenever they had
the chance. And, being a small school, word spread throughout all
the art departments and I would have a random group of twilighters
chase me each day for their school-wide twilight intervention. Some
came in their ballet tutus, some with their faces painted with war
paint, some in costumes for the up and coming plays. Ballet shoes,
canvases, and musical instruments were raised like torches and
pitchforks… NO ONE was safe…
SO!, in fear of similar events in
the future, I read the entire series in under two days… Suffice it
to say, I will admit I reread the series for pleasure.”
Submitted by DM |
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Free T-shirt to you DM for the story, thanks to TwilightTeez!
Posted in TwilightGuys Report
April 30th, 2008 at 7:37 am
Wow… no offence to any Twilighters, but… the poor guy! 😉
April 30th, 2008 at 7:39 am
Hahahaha that is hilarious! Sorry that your experience was such a violent one but it did get you to read it, didn’t it? Needless to say, you ended up enjoying it, so you should thank those angry mob of women who went after you with their pitchforks =). Also, welcome to the dark side, I’m sure your stay with us will be quite enjoyable.
April 30th, 2008 at 8:13 am
God, the only thing I hate about being a a twilight fan is being labeled as a “twi-hard”. It’s embarrassing to see fans storm the set of the movie and ask Robert Pattinson inappropriate, awkward questions. When fans do things like these the respect for the fandom goes down.
I love these books but even I don’t fangirl that hard!
April 30th, 2008 at 9:59 am
okay, now that’s a little scary.
i love twilight as much as the next girl, but i would never actually attack anyone because they said something like that…
I totally agree with Kennedy, things like this just make people respect all the twilighters less…
it is kind of funny though… hehe
April 30th, 2008 at 10:15 am
I agree completely with Kennedy. Sometimes the more… fervent fans give the rest of us a bad name. I love all of the books, and you could say i’m a little obsessed but sometimes its a bit embarassing when you hear what lengths some fans go to… Anyhoo, loved the story, and i know how scary we Twilighters can be… poor bloke!
April 30th, 2008 at 10:50 am
Hahaha that’s a funny story! I mean sure it’s a little scary for the random guy but it’s still quite entertaining to read about haha
April 30th, 2008 at 11:15 am
That was hilarious, amazing imagery… I can see it all now:)
April 30th, 2008 at 11:23 am
I guess that just goes to show all you guys. . . DO NOT EVER say anything bad about THE VAMPIRE or you will be converted…LMAO! Kaleb, you never cease to amaze. Keep up the awesome work!!
April 30th, 2008 at 11:25 am
I’m not sure, but is it entirely a bad thing to have a mob of women chasing you? From a guy’s perspective, I’m thinking no.
April 30th, 2008 at 11:58 am
LOL… Yeah I know this guy. He is the one that started me in reading Twilight. I will forever be thankful of those girls.
April 30th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
That sounds… very painful. At least something good came out of it. 😉
April 30th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
wow…that would be scary. I mean, the dude in the story makes an excellent point…and he’s jumped for it. A prize example of the triumph of free speech. There sure seem to be a lot of masochists in this world.
April 30th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
wtf red kaola? i dont get you. have you even *READ* the books? maybe you should just go and say that out loud at your school and see what happens (but be sure to give kaleb yr story after too so we can hear what happens to you like this guy!!!)
Watch out for VAT (lol kaleb– Very Aggressive Twilighters!
April 30th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
This kind of stuff doesn’t bother me at all! (in response to what others are saying) I mean I probably wouldn’t be chasing the guy down, but I’m sure I would have said something if I had been there. Twilight is just one of those things people get passionate about. I’m more embarrassed(well more like irritated) at the people who can’t back up their claims, that just say something for the sake of saying it. Like when people say “OMG Edward is lyke totally hot!” I fangirl sometimes, I guess, but the reason I love Edward isn’t because he’s hot, because there are plenty of guys who are(granted not as much as him but still) It’s more of his character, the way he views things, okay I’m not going to go into it, but yeah just thought I’d throw that in.
Hilarious story Kaleb! XD In regards to the chasing also that is what every crazy fandom would do so yep you can’t stop it so why not enjoy the lulz? <3
April 30th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Haha…funny read. But guys, i don’t really think he meant that all litterally. If he did…well, it’s his falt he went to an art’s school haha. They tend to be BIT dramatic (like the story). take it from a girl who went to one….for one month i might add.
April 30th, 2008 at 5:10 pm
LOL! I can see that! The fact I can is kinda sad though…
April 30th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
Lol! That’s great
April 30th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
Ha ha. Sounds like something I did to another boy in my school. Except he had a less happy ending. heh heh.
April 30th, 2008 at 6:43 pm
Hahaha! That was funny, I loved it! I feel lucky that I wasen’t mobed
April 30th, 2008 at 7:15 pm
thats pretty funny! while i might not have attacked him but i definitly would have at least smacked his arm or something and then proceeded to explain to him just how great edward is.
April 30th, 2008 at 7:39 pm
“I’m not sure, but is it entirely a bad thing to have a mob of women chasing you? From a guy’s perspective, I’m thinking no.”
Heck, yeah, if they want to kick the bad stuff outta you. I’ve had to run for it myself–for an entirely different reason–and it’s not so good, although sometimes fun.
I think what those girls did is a little TOO passionate. And what’s with the ballet tutus anyway? *LOL*
April 30th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
Ooh, that’s funny. Violent, but funny.
And it’s positively stellar that he reads the series for pleasure now!
April 30th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
Violent. I feel the love. Thanx… Yeah, I really got into it for the writing reasons, that and Alice. So I guess I’m an official twilightguy now…
April 30th, 2008 at 11:42 pm
Hahaha, I hope there’s plenty more of these to come! Brilliant.
April 30th, 2008 at 11:43 pm
PS, I hope stephenie reads these! She’d get a kick out of them.
May 1st, 2008 at 5:14 am
Well at least that kind of made a fan out of him? hahaha
May 1st, 2008 at 7:24 am
That sounds lik what happened when I asked a friend last year who Edward was and what was so great about him.
May 1st, 2008 at 7:37 am
Poor guy…
But at least he likes the books now. I know one guy who read Twilight and he hates it. I can’t understand why…
May 2nd, 2008 at 9:44 am
That it too hilarious! Lol
May 2nd, 2008 at 2:08 pm
hahahahahaha! I loved the part about them holding the book like bibles and preching to him!!! i would honestly be scared!!!! But im glad he actually read the book. I would have probably gotten mad at him for bashing twilight but i wouldnt have attacked him(just verbly abused him till he read it;D ) just joking. and i agree with pholla: Welcome to the dark side!!!!
May 3rd, 2008 at 11:46 pm
OK. yes, i will admit that i probably would have been one of those women preaching the book, and, needless to say, chasing you down. But i would have meant it in all the right ways!! Oh, and i wouldnt have caused you physical harm. haha i am a devoted twilighter, or twe-hard, but i kno how to control myself. i also reread the series constantly for pleasure……
like many others have quoted: Welcome to the dark side!!!
May 4th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
haha i’m not sorry to say that i would be one of the girls chasing after him being a proud Twi-Hard. actually i’ve recently been getting in arguments with my boyfriend over it. he keeps saying that Twilight is retarted and vampires can’t be heros. ugh anyone have a pitchfork i can borrow?
May 12th, 2008 at 11:58 am
wow i think i just pissed my pants, that was hilarious.
May 20th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
HAHA
hilarious
i would have done the exact same things
ALL THE MORE POWER TO YOU GIRLS XDD
June 3rd, 2008 at 8:22 pm
wow I just have to I can’t beleive some people I mean yea I am obessed to (maybe even more than obessed) but I wouldn’t atack someome. He likes the series so yea but totally feel sorry. Do they still beat him or do the guys beat cause he read them.
June 5th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
“BIG mistake” Ha! I just had a good laugh.
I can honestly say that I would have been among those girls.and I will be if I catch some guy back mouthing Twilight in my school, armed with only a paint brush and a copy ot Twilight! Me and the tons of other Twilighters in my school, that is. ;D
July 27th, 2008 at 3:55 am
lol that is so funny i probably would have just glared at you like you were an idiot but thats what you get for going to school with artsy people
August 5th, 2008 at 1:45 am
Wow! I didn’t stop laughing until just now, seriously. This story was hilarious! I would have died if the Twilighters at my school did that to me. Poor guy, I’m glade he caught on before the real damage came.
September 13th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
ROFLLC
December 23rd, 2008 at 10:41 pm
You Twilight fans who laugh honestly make me sick. You think this, mobbing a guy and harming him in order to make him read a book, is FUNNY? You think it’s appropriate?
What ever happened to freedom of thought and expression? When did Twilight spark the next fascist regime?
December 24th, 2008 at 12:31 am
How is it FUNNY? you girls are SICK in the head! it’s not FUNNY for a guy to get beat up by CRAZY PSYCHOTIC fanatards! you people need HELP.
December 24th, 2008 at 12:33 am
HOW is it a GOOD thing to mob someone over a BOOK? you guys are so stupid. haha it’s so funny! haha omg, i would SOO kick your ass if you DARED TO SPEAK OUT ABOUT TWILIGHT BEING BAD. omg haha, im so cool because im physically harming you like the psychotic bitch that i am.
January 29th, 2009 at 5:55 pm
Oh my GOD.
YOU’RE PROMOTING ATTACKING PEOPLE OVER NOT LIKING A BOOK?!?!? What’s WRONG with you people!? No one deserves to be mobbed for an opinion!
It’s a sick world out there. =_=
February 2nd, 2009 at 7:58 pm
It’s Twilighters. We’re violent like that. Never forget people, teenage girls rule the world. XD
February 14th, 2009 at 10:35 am
[…] A GUY IS ESSENTIALLY MOBBED WHEN HE SAID HE DOESN’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT BOOKS POTENTIAL REPLACEMENT ACTOR FOR “EDWARD” VERBALLY ATTACKED ONLINE […]
February 19th, 2009 at 8:26 pm
Wow…poor guy! no one should have to face the wrath of angry and pissed off loyal twilight fans! I’m a fan myself and even I feel sorry for him! Guys need to learn that pissing off one loyal twilight fan by insulting the book in ANY way can result in pain and screaming(from the guy). It’s easier to just read the books and just go, than face major pain and months of dateless nights due to the fact that 90% of ALL girls like the books!
March 23rd, 2009 at 11:31 pm
Yikes, It’s like Twilight is becoming a religeon. That’s never a very good thing, especially when I read accounts of die hard fans attacking people for not liking the book. It’s okay if someone likes the book, as long as they know it’s a book. It’s okay if people don’t like the book too. They don’t have to like it.
April 9th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
http://io9.com/5204316/twilight-fans-stab-choke-and-beat-haters-into-submission
Here is a chronicled twi-hard beatings website
May 4th, 2009 at 8:04 pm
You people who are laughing at this talk tough over the internet but should it come down to seriousness I don't think you would be that way. Say that the next story on here is about someone who is killed for not liking Twilight. Would you think it's still funny? If you answer yes then you're a despicable excuse for a human who deserves to burn in hell and will get whats coming to you. I'm a guy and TWILIGHT SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There I said it. Yes I've been attacked before and it still didn't change my oppinion on the books (yes I did read all 4 of them. So do something about it but I warn you I know how to defend myself and am not afraid of Twilight fans be it boys or girls. Also I doubt a paintbrush can take on a sword.
May 4th, 2009 at 8:06 pm
BTW. JK about the sword part. Yes I really can defend myself though.
May 5th, 2009 at 12:04 am
You people who are laughing at this talk tough over the internet but should it come down to seriousness I don't think you would be that way. Say that the next story on here is about someone who is killed for not liking Twilight. Would you think it's still funny? If you answer yes then you're a despicable excuse for a human who deserves to burn in hell and will get whats coming to you. I'm a guy and TWILIGHT SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There I said it. Yes I've been attacked before and it still didn't change my oppinion on the books (yes I did read all 4 of them. So do something about it but I warn you I know how to defend myself and am not afraid of Twilight fans be it boys or girls. Also I doubt a paintbrush can take on a sword.
May 5th, 2009 at 12:06 am
BTW. JK about the sword part. Yes I really can defend myself though.
October 19th, 2011 at 4:58 am
My BF hates the series and I love it! sure sometimes he tries to hide my book and pretend he burned it or just says how much he hates it but the most I ever abuse him because of this was just a thump on the head! These people are crazy beating a guy up because he cracked on a book! Some people SHOULD be put in jail for reading twilight ( ONLY in reserved cases) my family constantly says I should be sent to jail for reading the series ( they HATE the idea of sparkly vampires). But seriously what is this world coming to where people attack other people for hating a book!
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