(Posted by Kaleb Nation )

TwilightGuys Report: Twilighters Attack

April 30th, 2008 at 6:00 am by Kaleb Nation


TWILIGHTERS ATTACK

“My first experiences with the Twilight series was actually quite
violent. I went to an arts high school where the common goth reigned
supreme. Being a guy surrounded by all these artsy female types, it
is easy to say that Twilight swept through the school like forest
fire, and everyone was bitten by its ‘sparkling’ beauty. So the mob
of twilighters was formed. My little group, mostly comprised of
vampire worshipping women, were going on their rants about who’s the
better boyfriend for Bella, and, being a naive and curious
individual, I decided to say that “Who would want a salivating
vampire on their neck?” BIG mistake. Long story short, mob of angry
women jumped from the tables, preaching their twilight cult, holding
their books like Bibles, and had me etched into the pavement. They
ambushed me in swarms, cornered me against walls, whenever they had
the chance. And, being a small school, word spread throughout all
the art departments and I would have a random group of twilighters
chase me each day for their school-wide twilight intervention. Some
came in their ballet tutus, some with their faces painted with war
paint, some in costumes for the up and coming plays. Ballet shoes,
canvases, and musical instruments were raised like torches and
pitchforks… NO ONE was safe…

SO!, in fear of similar events in
the future, I read the entire series in under two days… Suffice it
to say, I will admit I reread the series for pleasure.”

Submitted by DM

Free T-shirt to you DM for the story, thanks to TwilightTeez!


Posted in TwilightGuys Report


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55 Responses

  1. Catherine

    Wow… no offence to any Twilighters, but… the poor guy! 😉

  2. Pholla

    Hahahaha that is hilarious! Sorry that your experience was such a violent one but it did get you to read it, didn’t it? Needless to say, you ended up enjoying it, so you should thank those angry mob of women who went after you with their pitchforks =). Also, welcome to the dark side, I’m sure your stay with us will be quite enjoyable.

  3. Kennedy

    God, the only thing I hate about being a a twilight fan is being labeled as a “twi-hard”. It’s embarrassing to see fans storm the set of the movie and ask Robert Pattinson inappropriate, awkward questions. When fans do things like these the respect for the fandom goes down.

    I love these books but even I don’t fangirl that hard!

  4. Tina

    okay, now that’s a little scary.
    i love twilight as much as the next girl, but i would never actually attack anyone because they said something like that…
    I totally agree with Kennedy, things like this just make people respect all the twilighters less…
    it is kind of funny though… hehe

  5. Danni

    I agree completely with Kennedy. Sometimes the more… fervent fans give the rest of us a bad name. I love all of the books, and you could say i’m a little obsessed but sometimes its a bit embarassing when you hear what lengths some fans go to… Anyhoo, loved the story, and i know how scary we Twilighters can be… poor bloke!

  6. Twifanatic Amanda

    Hahaha that’s a funny story! I mean sure it’s a little scary for the random guy but it’s still quite entertaining to read about haha

  7. Elspeth

    That was hilarious, amazing imagery… I can see it all now:)

  8. Phinecia

    I guess that just goes to show all you guys. . . DO NOT EVER say anything bad about THE VAMPIRE or you will be converted…LMAO! Kaleb, you never cease to amaze. Keep up the awesome work!!

  9. Schadeboy

    I’m not sure, but is it entirely a bad thing to have a mob of women chasing you? From a guy’s perspective, I’m thinking no.

  10. Piper

    LOL… Yeah I know this guy. He is the one that started me in reading Twilight. I will forever be thankful of those girls.

  11. Katie Beth

    That sounds… very painful. At least something good came out of it. 😉

  12. Red Koala

    wow…that would be scary. I mean, the dude in the story makes an excellent point…and he’s jumped for it. A prize example of the triumph of free speech. There sure seem to be a lot of masochists in this world.

  13. caitlin~la

    wtf red kaola? i dont get you. have you even *READ* the books? maybe you should just go and say that out loud at your school and see what happens (but be sure to give kaleb yr story after too so we can hear what happens to you like this guy!!!)

    Watch out for VAT (lol kaleb– Very Aggressive Twilighters!

  14. Alexon

    This kind of stuff doesn’t bother me at all! (in response to what others are saying) I mean I probably wouldn’t be chasing the guy down, but I’m sure I would have said something if I had been there. Twilight is just one of those things people get passionate about. I’m more embarrassed(well more like irritated) at the people who can’t back up their claims, that just say something for the sake of saying it. Like when people say “OMG Edward is lyke totally hot!” I fangirl sometimes, I guess, but the reason I love Edward isn’t because he’s hot, because there are plenty of guys who are(granted not as much as him but still) It’s more of his character, the way he views things, okay I’m not going to go into it, but yeah just thought I’d throw that in. :) Hilarious story Kaleb! XD In regards to the chasing also that is what every crazy fandom would do so yep you can’t stop it so why not enjoy the lulz? <3

  15. Amber

    Haha…funny read. But guys, i don’t really think he meant that all litterally. If he did…well, it’s his falt he went to an art’s school haha. They tend to be BIT dramatic (like the story). take it from a girl who went to one….for one month i might add.

  16. Kristin

    LOL! I can see that! The fact I can is kinda sad though…

  17. Lauren

    Lol! That’s great

  18. Stephanie

    Ha ha. Sounds like something I did to another boy in my school. Except he had a less happy ending. heh heh.

  19. Sara ( Yeah there are maney of us)

    Hahaha! That was funny, I loved it! I feel lucky that I wasen’t mobed

  20. megan

    thats pretty funny! while i might not have attacked him but i definitly would have at least smacked his arm or something and then proceeded to explain to him just how great edward is.

  21. Oscar R.

    “I’m not sure, but is it entirely a bad thing to have a mob of women chasing you? From a guy’s perspective, I’m thinking no.”

    Heck, yeah, if they want to kick the bad stuff outta you. I’ve had to run for it myself–for an entirely different reason–and it’s not so good, although sometimes fun.

    I think what those girls did is a little TOO passionate. And what’s with the ballet tutus anyway? *LOL*

  22. Sarah

    Ooh, that’s funny. Violent, but funny.
    And it’s positively stellar that he reads the series for pleasure now!

  23. DM

    Violent. I feel the love. Thanx… Yeah, I really got into it for the writing reasons, that and Alice. So I guess I’m an official twilightguy now…

  24. Tami

    Hahaha, I hope there’s plenty more of these to come! Brilliant.

  25. Tami

    PS, I hope stephenie reads these! She’d get a kick out of them.

  26. Bea

    Well at least that kind of made a fan out of him? hahaha

  27. Callie

    That sounds lik what happened when I asked a friend last year who Edward was and what was so great about him.

  28. Minh-Thu

    Poor guy…
    But at least he likes the books now. I know one guy who read Twilight and he hates it. I can’t understand why…

  29. len

    That it too hilarious! Lol

  30. Shelby

    hahahahahaha! I loved the part about them holding the book like bibles and preching to him!!! i would honestly be scared!!!! But im glad he actually read the book. I would have probably gotten mad at him for bashing twilight but i wouldnt have attacked him(just verbly abused him till he read it;D ) just joking. and i agree with pholla: Welcome to the dark side!!!!

  31. Alysha

    OK. yes, i will admit that i probably would have been one of those women preaching the book, and, needless to say, chasing you down. But i would have meant it in all the right ways!! Oh, and i wouldnt have caused you physical harm. haha i am a devoted twilighter, or twe-hard, but i kno how to control myself. i also reread the series constantly for pleasure……
    like many others have quoted: Welcome to the dark side!!! :-)

  32. Holly C

    haha i’m not sorry to say that i would be one of the girls chasing after him being a proud Twi-Hard. actually i’ve recently been getting in arguments with my boyfriend over it. he keeps saying that Twilight is retarted and vampires can’t be heros. ugh anyone have a pitchfork i can borrow?

  33. maria

    wow i think i just pissed my pants, that was hilarious.

  34. Bella

    HAHA
    hilarious
    i would have done the exact same things
    ALL THE MORE POWER TO YOU GIRLS XDD

  35. Chels

    wow I just have to I can’t beleive some people I mean yea I am obessed to (maybe even more than obessed) but I wouldn’t atack someome. He likes the series so yea but totally feel sorry. Do they still beat him or do the guys beat cause he read them. :)

  36. Candy

    “BIG mistake” Ha! I just had a good laugh.

    I can honestly say that I would have been among those girls.and I will be if I catch some guy back mouthing Twilight in my school, armed with only a paint brush and a copy ot Twilight! Me and the tons of other Twilighters in my school, that is. ;D

  37. jennifer

    lol that is so funny i probably would have just glared at you like you were an idiot but thats what you get for going to school with artsy people

  38. Mimi

    Wow! I didn’t stop laughing until just now, seriously. This story was hilarious! I would have died if the Twilighters at my school did that to me. Poor guy, I’m glade he caught on before the real damage came.

  39. E

    ROFLLC

  40. Kai

    You Twilight fans who laugh honestly make me sick. You think this, mobbing a guy and harming him in order to make him read a book, is FUNNY? You think it’s appropriate?
    What ever happened to freedom of thought and expression? When did Twilight spark the next fascist regime?

  41. -.-

    How is it FUNNY? you girls are SICK in the head! it’s not FUNNY for a guy to get beat up by CRAZY PSYCHOTIC fanatards! you people need HELP.

  42. stupidbitches

    HOW is it a GOOD thing to mob someone over a BOOK? you guys are so stupid. haha it’s so funny! haha omg, i would SOO kick your ass if you DARED TO SPEAK OUT ABOUT TWILIGHT BEING BAD. omg haha, im so cool because im physically harming you like the psychotic bitch that i am.

  43. Barbara

    Oh my GOD.
    YOU’RE PROMOTING ATTACKING PEOPLE OVER NOT LIKING A BOOK?!?!? What’s WRONG with you people!? No one deserves to be mobbed for an opinion!

    It’s a sick world out there. =_=

  44. Krista

    It’s Twilighters. We’re violent like that. Never forget people, teenage girls rule the world. XD

  45. HELLO BEAUTIFUL » Blog Archive » Stephen King et al on why I don’t like Stephenie Meyer [UPDATE]

    […] A GUY IS ESSENTIALLY MOBBED WHEN HE SAID HE DOESN’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT BOOKS POTENTIAL REPLACEMENT ACTOR FOR “EDWARD” VERBALLY ATTACKED ONLINE […]

  46. Joanna6618

    Wow…poor guy! no one should have to face the wrath of angry and pissed off loyal twilight fans! I’m a fan myself and even I feel sorry for him! Guys need to learn that pissing off one loyal twilight fan by insulting the book in ANY way can result in pain and screaming(from the guy). It’s easier to just read the books and just go, than face major pain and months of dateless nights due to the fact that 90% of ALL girls like the books!

  47. Ankh117

    Yikes, It’s like Twilight is becoming a religeon. That’s never a very good thing, especially when I read accounts of die hard fans attacking people for not liking the book. It’s okay if someone likes the book, as long as they know it’s a book. It’s okay if people don’t like the book too. They don’t have to like it.

  48. yeah....

    http://io9.com/5204316/twilight-fans-stab-choke-and-beat-haters-into-submission

    Here is a chronicled twi-hard beatings website

  49. C-RO

    You people who are laughing at this talk tough over the internet but should it come down to seriousness I don't think you would be that way. Say that the next story on here is about someone who is killed for not liking Twilight. Would you think it's still funny? If you answer yes then you're a despicable excuse for a human who deserves to burn in hell and will get whats coming to you. I'm a guy and TWILIGHT SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There I said it. Yes I've been attacked before and it still didn't change my oppinion on the books (yes I did read all 4 of them. So do something about it but I warn you I know how to defend myself and am not afraid of Twilight fans be it boys or girls. Also I doubt a paintbrush can take on a sword.

  50. C-RO

    BTW. JK about the sword part. Yes I really can defend myself though.

  51. C-RO

    You people who are laughing at this talk tough over the internet but should it come down to seriousness I don't think you would be that way. Say that the next story on here is about someone who is killed for not liking Twilight. Would you think it's still funny? If you answer yes then you're a despicable excuse for a human who deserves to burn in hell and will get whats coming to you. I'm a guy and TWILIGHT SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There I said it. Yes I've been attacked before and it still didn't change my oppinion on the books (yes I did read all 4 of them. So do something about it but I warn you I know how to defend myself and am not afraid of Twilight fans be it boys or girls. Also I doubt a paintbrush can take on a sword.

  52. C-RO

    BTW. JK about the sword part. Yes I really can defend myself though.

  53. Mrs. Whitlock

    My BF hates the series and  I love it! sure sometimes he tries to hide my book and pretend he burned it or just says how much he hates it but the most I ever abuse him because of this was just a thump on the head! These people are crazy beating a guy up because he cracked on a book! Some people SHOULD be put in jail for reading twilight ( ONLY in reserved cases) my family constantly says  I should be sent to jail for reading the series ( they HATE the idea of sparkly vampires). But seriously what is this world coming to where people attack other people for hating a book!

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