(Posted by Kaleb Nation )

Reading Twilight: Chapter 5 (Blood Type)

May 2nd, 2008 at 4:00 am by Kaleb Nation

The song for this chapter is The Weather Girl by Shiny Toy Guns:

So I had expected this entire week to be abysmal, given the fact that I have college finals nearly every day on top of my other duties. But the way it happened was quite the opposite. I had my first two done in a flash, my third this morning finished off with 45 minutes to spare, and I actually got to eat lunch today. Oh joy!

But I realized one tiny detail. One more exam. Math.

So in case I am not still in the land of the living after around 2-ish, I wanted to at least bite into the next chapter so I am not left for eternity with all the questions still in my head. On to the fifth!

After hearing that Edward listens to Debussy, I went on Amazon to try a clip of Clair de Lune. I previewed the first one I saw, and was shocked at the horrific sounds which came forth. It sounded like someone was playing the piano and opening and closing a creaky door while splashing in a bathtub at the same time. The squeals were deafening.

Listen To The Pig

Then I realized I was listening to Clair de Lune With Songs Of The Whales, in which they had dubbed whales over the music. Suddenly it made sense and became somewhat relaxing (though I did skip to a whale-free version to get a taste of Edward’s music).

Something in this is another reason I think girls like Edward. He has a sense of old-fashioned class about him. A lot of guys these days think that you have to be pig-headed and macho in order to keep your man card (we saw a perfect example of this yesterday). And some girls fall for it, even if it’s not really what they want: and when girls fall for guys like that, sometimes it tells the gentlemen that they’re doing things wrong and need to become pigheaded like the others.

But here’s Edward Cullen, opening doors for Bella and listening to classical music, and being guy #1. Granted, I don’t think that girls like him specifically for the fact that he listens to classical music, but more so because he has enough class to at least try it and enjoy something other than whatever is popular. He has a side that is classy and that likes the finer things. Edward can march to the beat of a different drummer instead of just always going along with what’s popular.

Marching To The Beat Of A Different Drummer

Marching to the Beat of a Very Different Drummer

Secondly, I became almost as terrified as Bella when they started talking about taking blood samples in class. Me, I’ve never been a good one for shots. In fact, up until around age 15 (okay, 16), I was so terrified of needles that I would have to sit there and play games on the cell phone just to keep my mind partially distracted.

This was not helped by the fact that I always seemed to get the most inexperienced nurses who had previous careers in harpooning, and preferred to use the largest needles possible and simultaneously practice voodoo rituals while poking me. I can perfectly see why Bella’s so faint.

Pg. 98: “She’s just a little faint,” he reassured the startled nurse. “They’re blood typing in Biology.”

The nurse nodded sagely. “There’s always one.”

Edward snickered. “Well this time there were two. But I left Kaleb crumpled on the floor moaning his horrors.”

The nurse nodded sagely. “Hope nobody trips on him.”


-If you emailed me and haven’t gotten a reply, I’m still getting back with you…right after the final Final.

-My article on Stephenie will be written this weekend and put up by Them sometime after. You’ll know when.

-I was working on a new video but I put it on hold for after I recover from post-exam exhaustion.


Posted in Twilight

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68 Responses

  1. inmortal

    I think the same thing about needles and felt the same pain Bella lived in that chapter ARGH neddles ARGH…. *shudders* Anyways, good luck with your exam!! I can’t wait for your next entry!! You really make me laugh!

  2. Jovana

    Hilarious.I really enjoy this site.

    Hope everything went well with the finals!

  3. Elspeth

    I always know i can get a smile when i read this site :) thanks!
    Happy Reading!

  4. Rachel

    haha, I LOVE this site! It always makes me laugh (nurses with past harpooning experiance)

  5. Tara

    You seem to be getting funnier with every chapter. Keep up the good work. I’m not the first to say this, but I’ll say it anyway… you’re site helps to make my day! And good luck with finals!

  6. Laura

    You’re too funny!I love looking at my blood when it fills the needle, there is steam inside the tube! I love what you’re doing!

  7. Elspeth

    p.s. good luck with finals! I’m sure you’ll do great!

  8. Gladys

    hahaha you`re so funny!! I love coming to this website, it`s the best, keep up the good work!! God why can all guys think like you! *giggles* Stupid macho pig-headeds :)I think you`re truly discovering why all us girls are in love with the lovely fictional Edward πŸ˜›

  9. Cyndi

    I’m 19 and STILL hate needles. I can handle tattoos fine but if it lookes like a hypodermic needle then I am done for.

  10. Robyn

    I am loving your site man! Your comments and graphics are hilarious. The pig joke is brilliant too, and that amazingly awesome “angry pig” picture.

    And you are right on about Edward, in my opinion. When I found out that he listened to classical music I was even more smitten… I love it, and guys that have a taste for the finer things (while maintaining their masculinity of course) are very attractive. You are a keen reader to figure out why we love Edward so much! Keep it up, we fangirls love to hear about ourselves. XDD

  11. Katie Beth

    I was going to say something about the music, but I remembered you haven’t read the rest of the book. *sigh* Trying to be patient here….

  12. Amber

    *shudders* Laura, i almost just gagged from the imagery you described (comment #6)
    But, ya, Kaleb you are SO right! Men are doing it all wrong these days.
    Thanks for the laughs and i hope your final Final goes well :)

  13. Rose

    Ugh, I hate needles too. Just the thought of them makes me shudder.
    Love the site! You’re absolutely hilarious.

  14. twilight22lover

    NEEDLES!!!! *shudders*
    I WILL GET MY GUY FRIENDS TO READ TWILIGHT!!!!!!!! I WILL!!!!!!!!!i’ll just have to use some kind of mind control on them… πŸ˜€

  15. Ashley

    Eek! I feel your pain about the needles! My friend was just diagnosed with mono and decided to tell me exactly how many needles she had in her yesterday (four to be exact *cringe*).
    This is awesome, I wish my guy friends would actually take the time to read Twilight. *shakes head* They’re just too stubborn.
    Good luck with those finals! Math… ugh. Once again, I feel your pain.

  16. Piper

    Ugh, I have finals coming up too. Something about a 10 page paper due in a few weeks.
    Hope that you do well on yours!

  17. Leanne

    I really like how you’re reading the book slowly. Normally people (myself included) tend to fly through books, especially the good ones. Which is typically how people differentiate between good and bad books- how fast they read them. But then I always feel guilty because the author has spent years working on this, and I finished it in a day. I think by you reading Twilight slow but steady gives a better appreciation for the work put into it. It allows you (and us!) time to analyze and rethink what Stephenie wrote, and why she wrote it, and what the characters really meant, etc. And best of luck on that final Final!

  18. Kristin


  19. Katrina

    I have just found out about this site and I love everything about it. I have to say your graphics are great! What program do you use? I can’t wait for you to finish the series.

  20. Stephanie

    Thank you for making me laugh! I love reading your posts and I can relate to the college finals! EWW… Then math… Double EWW!!

  21. angela

    Wow, that was quiet funny! You actually had me laughing out loud! So much so that I hope I don’t wake everyone else. I would just like to say thank you for doing this. It’s amazing to get a male perspective. I just wish other guys were not as pig headed as the idiot who posted that comment. Who would leave their girlfriend because she tried to get him to read a book? Gosh! Well, you are doing a fantastic job and I’m sure that you will have girls hanging off of you left right and center after seeing why we are all so in love with Edward… actually… you seem to be doing fine without his help. You are so insightfull and are able to see what girls are interested in. You may just be a living human Edward! Keep up the good work!

  22. margaret


    sigh… I don’t think I’d be as mad at the guy if he had yelled at you with a little more typing skills.

    I think you might be the person to get the most out of these books – we read them for pleasure, you’re learning how to get a girl! Muy inteligente.

  23. Jen

    I’m so glad I found your site, now I have another Twilight related thing to keep me going. I love getting insight into people’s minds as they read the books. My friends all read it before me, so they were driving me nuts hanging things over my head, its fun to be able to see what someone else thinks when they read the book :)

  24. Kiki

    You are one busy man! Good luck with finals!

  25. Catherine

    Yeah, I don’t like shots, either. They’re creepy.

    Salut! πŸ˜‰

  26. Joanne Maria TWILIGHT MOM

    “Something in this is another reason I think girls like Edward. He has a sense of old-fashioned class about him. A lot of guys these days think that you have to be pig-headed and macho in order to keep your man card”..-Kaleb

    AMEN.. if all the guys would get this..WOW..

  27. beth

    OMG i love really ur chapter review
    makes my day

    its is funny that mostly chicks go on this site lol

  28. Sana

    hahah you are awesome for reading twilight! this one made me crack up sooo much. needles make me uncomfortable too. last week in biology we were starting a blood typing lab and my teacher was like “ya we’re gonna draw blood to find out our blood type” i went pale in my chair, but she was kidding.

  29. 30somethingmom

    The way you worked “to the beat of a different drummer” right in there and then debuted that brilliant pic made me appreciate you more.

  30. 30somethingmom

    I just realized that could sound facetious. It’s not facetious. Loved it, really. :)

  31. Filipa

    “voodoo rituals(…)hope nobody trips on him”

  32. eponymous

    haha, your addition to this week’s chapter was hilarious

  33. me

    You think YOU’VE got a problem with needles! My sister and I have both PASSED OUT when faced with a needle. In fact, just a few months ago, I was reading in my room (no, it was not Twilight) when I heard my 16-year-old sister crying. It was scary, like she was dying or something. I emerged from my room to find out what the matter was, and it turned out that she had just found out that she needed another tetnus shot. She was in histerics the whole way to the hospital. I have often heard her say that she would rather die than get a shot, and she means it.

  34. Jenna

    I am not embarrassed to say that I downloaded Claire De Lune soon after reading Twilight for the first time.

    And I think that guys who can be classy and gentlemen-like (A new definition to Edwardian) should get their own man-card. Like a platinum man-card.

    Screw Edward VII!

    Edwardian: Ed-war-di-an.


    Of or relating to the admirable and sexy tendencies or qualities similar to Edward Cullen.


    A person who essentially demonstrates the actions and characteristics known to belong to Edward Cullen.

  35. patrice

    ahaha, this made me laugh so hard! Nice pic :)

  36. Chelsea

    You are so right! Gentlemen over “manly” jerkwads anyday! I really do believe that Edward’s good manners are a BIG part of why I love him. Getting the door for you? Saying “Yes, ma’am”? *swoons*

  37. Julianne

    You’re so funny! I’m so glad I found your website. It’s fantastic. You’re officially the only interesting thing in my 5th period class!Oh, and thanks for reminding me to download Clair de Lune =).

  38. Kimberley

    Although I love classical music as well as Baroque (I’m a sucker) No pun intended. But I would like Edward if he had an obsession with screamy music… such as Alexisonfire.( a band I hate)… Oh. And if it were Jasper it would be so much better. Well, I can dream. Do you think Jasper likes Classical? Hmmm… sensitive Civil war guy why do you mock me so?


  39. Rachael

    If you think about it though, Debussy is probably like listening to your parents music. It’s what would have been popular among the cultured crowd when Edward was alive. Weird that, pretty though.

  40. AmyLouWho

    Loved it! I wonder if you will get to a point where you won’t be able to stop at just one chapter? :) “left Kaleb crumpled on floor part..” Hilarious! Are you sure you haven’t recieved an ARC of midnight sun? That was “spot on!” Keep up the great work!

  41. Bethany

    I know this post is a few days old, but I had to comment. First and foremost, you are hilarious. Very witty and sarcastic. Second, I hope your finals went well. I just recently graduated from university and I swear, those exams are a sure way to overdose on caffeine, read useless articles from the text book you sold your soul to buy and study useless knowledge you will never have to recall from your brain again…ever. Third, I am a nurse and have never heard anyone describe getting a shot quite the way you did. And I swear, I have never harpooned before in my life and it is not a required skill to pass your nursing boards. Incase you were curious. :)

  42. Alyssa

    I definitely laughed out loud when you said you downloaded Clair de Lune: Whale version. lol. That is absolutely ridiculous.
    Like everyone else, I too enjoy hearing your thoughts about Twilight! I just read the series for the first time this past week, and it’s fun to hear what you think. :) Keep reading!

  43. Kim C

    I actually found out from my chemistry teacher that it’s illegal to use real blood in a classroom setting. Odd.

  44. nancy

    that whole part bout u crumpled on floor-HiLaRiOuS!!!=] u should sooo b a comedian!

  45. Nora

    You’re amazing, Kaleb. I laughed so hard.

    I really admire you not only because you’re reading Twilight, but because you really understand the concepts, as well as the characters. That’s not to mention the fact that you have an idea of class, which I really appreciate in a guy (I’m sure I’m not the only one out there). So, basically, you’re amazing. :) And, if you have a girlfriend, she is a very lucky girl.

  46. Diana

    Quite funny…

    It’s awesome that you’re doing this, very respectable.

  47. Ashlee

    So I work at a university library… you should warn people that your posts are very funny and might make you laugh out loud… because for some of us who work at libraries it’s no good to be laughing out loud while others are studying!!

    but really i enjoy them a lot!

  48. Alex

    Your blog is interesting!

    Keep up the good work!

  49. Julie

    Hahah… Ok, I just started reading your archives today. This post had me laughing out loud, between ‘Claire de Lune With Songs of the Whales’ and the nurse having a previous career in harpooning. You’re cracking me up over here. Looking forward to the rest of it. πŸ˜€

  50. Zena

    My (guy) friend (who also reads Twilight…you’re not alone) sent me a link to this blog and I have got to say it is hilarious so far. And ditto on the needles topic. For my last round of shots, I listened to my iPod the whole time with the nurse intermittently asking if I was alright (apparently I wasn’t looking too good). Anyway, I look forward to reading the rest of your blog. :)

  51. celeste

    Hey. Me and my friend Shelby Dockery and Ella Ray Craig are reading the book twilight… It is soooooooooooooooooooo good and me and shelby dockery have our own web page on you tube. So go there and go under The Everything Awsome Show By: Celeste and Shelby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  52. Kitkat.Alice's creation

    silly boy you dont ad text to the book of life

  53. BrooklynBridges

    I would be another fainter in blood typing class.
    Take a 100 question test in 39 miniutes – Yes
    Dissect a Frog – Yes
    Jump off a Bridge – Yes
    Stab Myself with something pointy for the sake of my grades – NO!
    (ok, i was kidding about the bridge, but it sounds better with it so iim keeping it)
    and i just wanted to say I β™₯ all the little graphic things because they are histerical!

  54. Robert

    i Started 1 week ago reading twilight cuz i saw the movie, i was very curious about the rest so i started reading the books. They are very good. I can’t take my hands of it. :)

  55. sextubekiller

    There is obviously a lot to know about tubes

  56. sarahsnewmoon

    ok the clair de lune mishap story had me laughing so hard I was in tears! I just had to hear said music for myself …. and when I did it made me laugh EVEN harder! also your analogy of nurses with needles was definitely chuckle worthy :)

  57. Brenda

    Great line: “Edward can march to the beat of a different drummer instead of just always going along with what’s popular.!

  58. Thomas Jefferson

    Haha. I was never one for needles either. My mom told me that once, when I was little, I was getting my blood taken and it took 5 nurses to hold me down. I don't remember that but I wouldn't doubt it. Also, a couple of years ago when I went for my check-up in 6th grade, I had to get a shot and I hid in between the garbage can that was up against the counter and a chair that was next to it. Thankfully I haven't had to get a shot since then, but I have had to get my blood taken this past December. The nurse was a meanie. Haha. My mom said that i had my arm tensed up so the blood wouldn't flow and it took longer than it should have but if she had taken off the band that she put around my arm, it would have flowed better. My mom said the nurse should have done that right away. I cried for a really long time. Then my mom, knowing that I would have been difficult so she bought it beforehand, gave me a ninja book that I had seen in the bookstore like a week earlier. It was awesome. Okay well I'm gunna scram cuz I'm sure that you really don't want to hear anymore about high school freshman who need to be bribed to have blood taken with ninja books.

  59. twilight fan

    Haha. I can get shots easily but I hate how it feels after. Your arm feels so heavy.

  60. Cheese_montoya

    i like pieeee pie who like pie

  61. Cheese_montoya

    i like pieeee pie who like pie

  62. Mickey Not Mouse

    lol, I loved this chapter! I was sooooooo upset that these scenes weren't put into the movie!!!! =P It's really funny to read midnight sun and see what's going on in Edwards head when he finds her with Mike. =P I wish the creep who leaked Midnight Sun wouldn't have! UGH! I want Stephenie to finish it soooo bad! But at the same time I totally understand her reasoning :/ oh well, at least she was gracious enough to put what she had done on her website for us all to read ^.^


  63. Twritebite

    Needles are not my best friend either. Although, since I have hypo-thyroid-ism (I know, it's a long word) , I have to get my blood drawn every year. Sometimes every six months. It's not my favorite thing to do, but I can deal with it. I have to. I have no other choise. If I didn't do it, and my thyroid levels went up, I could be risking my life. And I'd much rather have a needle in my arm than to risk my life. Anyway, I have fainted before, well almost. When I was younger, I always pretended to almost faint when my mom was with me, just to freak her out. She knew to expect it everytime. Well, one time I was not faking it. We were in the parking lot, in the pouring rain. (I live near Forks.) I felt myself going down. Everything went black. I held onto my mom's arm as I slowly felt myself dropping. I was laying down on the cold, wet cement by the time my mom realized I wasn't faking it. Anyway, I'm fine now. I still get my blood drawn on a regular basis. I don't look at the needle, I don't watch the needle going into my arm. Why psyc myself out if I don't have to. It takes just a moment, and then it's over with. Actually, if I'm being truthful, now whenever I get my blood drawn, I imagine the needle as being Edward's teeth. It helps the process go by much smoother like that. As I said before, I don't watch the needle go in. I have no idea how big, or small the needle is. I don't need to know. I just feel it, and imagine Edward.
    Anyway, Edward just so happened to know that he shouldn't go to class that day……

  64. Lisa

    Well I hope you did alright in your Finals!

    Anyways, back to Twilight. Yes, ANOTHER reason why I like Edward so much is that he is true to himself and doesn't just listen to whats on the charts, which might be absolute rubbish, just because everyone else is. As we all know – well, should know – boys are less mature than their years. So it is great to read about Edward who seems very mature and polite – Oh yeah, I forgot, and totally HOT!

  65. Wing Commander Vinyaya

    Needles… meh. They're so-so.

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