TWILIGHT GAVE HIM THE ANSWERS
“Until very recently, I had not heard much about the
Twilight series. I did not know anything really about it. One day, approximately
a week ago, that all changed.
I was in choir class. Suddenly, a group of girls walked in (who were also in
zero-period choir) talking, giggling, and laughing hysterically, deep red
blushes painted across their cheeks. I was confused – these aren’t the giggly
types of girls. These are the girls that play Halo and have movie nights with
tons of pizza – pepperoni, sausage… point in case, they were tomboys. Tomboys,
as far as I know, are not the giggly types.
Anyway, so they walked in. Then I caught a word “Twilight”. More giggling.
Another word, “vampire”. More. “Sexy…sparkly…” and so on and so forth. I’m
sure you can empathize. The thing was, I had no idea what they were talking
about. Just then, the choir teacher walked in. Class began. I was saved.
And yet, I was curious.
In math, which was my first ‘official’ class of the day, I sat across from a
girl who was, not quite a friend, but a close acquaintance. After finishing the
‘Do Now’ placed on the board, I leaned across the aisle towards her.
“Hey,” I said, “I need help.”
“Yes?” She responded, being the sweet girl that she is. “What do you need?”
I recounted to her the tale of horror in my choir class. “They were all talking
about-” I groped for the name of the book “Sunset, about some guy that
Apparently this was the wrong thing to say. She stared at me, wide-eyed. Then
she burst into laughter.
“What?” I asked uncomfortably. “What’d I say?”
Still snickering, she replied, “It’s called Twilight, and it’s by Stephenie
Now, I may be exaggerating, but I don’t think so. I think that I felt the blood
literally drain from my face. This is reasonable, before you protest. Think of
it this way: All my girl friends are in love with this book, and my refuge – the
one. person I thought I’d be safe with – is, too!
“Oh, God,” I said. “Not you, too.”
“Yes, me too,” she stated evenly. “But it’s okay, but I can actually control the
This was good news. “Can you help me, then? With dealing with them?”
“Sure,” she said. I was relieved. “First of all, it’s Twilight. Always remember
that. NEVER get it wrong. Second, Stephenie Meyer wrote it. Always say her name
with reverence. Third, the guy who sparkles should from here on out never be
referred to as the guy that sparkles. His name is Edward Anthony Mason Cullen,
and he is a vampire…”
After a minute or so of this, I just shook my head. The information was too
much, and especially at one time. “I can’t do it,” I sighed. “Really. It’s
She frowned, a determined expression still on her face. “Fine,” she huffed. Then
her eyes brightened. “The only advice I have left is to give the books a chance.
Read them, and get some advice from Edward. Follow what he does – just don’t
suck blood. Because, if girl’s are so in love with him…”
“But how do I know what he does to make them so in love?” I was so confused.
“How do you interpret them? But wait…is this the key guys have been looking
for forever? Something that explains how to make them like you?”
She smirked. “Go to twilight guy dot com. You’ll find the answers there.” ”
Submitted by Greg