Reading Twilight: Chapter 15 (The Cullens)
June 12th, 2008 by Kaleb Nation
The song for this chapter is Valentine by Jim Brickman (suggested by Jodie)
I had no clue how much expectation is on my shoulders from readers of this site, until yesterday evening, when I received quite a few sour messages asking why I had done a second TwilightGuy Reports instead of a new chapter. The reason is, on occasion, I must take off Wednesdays, as well as the usual post-less Sundays. It gives me a chance to answer email and get caught up on things, like cleaning out my writer-junk or studying for exams. But never fear: I’m back, and with me are The Cullens!
It is in this chapter that I finally get to meet the elusive family of vampires. At least, I get to meet most of them. Two are not there, and I’m beginning to get the feeling that for some reason, they were told to stay away while Bella was around. I also feel a slight uneasiness as Bella enters the house: the same uneasiness an orange might feel walking into an orange juice tasting factory. However, Bella has Edward, and as long as he’s there, no one will be leaping from the shadows to take a bite.
We writers are quite an odd bunch (if you haven’t discovered already). Writers have gobs of fun with droll things like sentences, like rearranging the italics or commas in other people’s books to find new meanings. Take for example:
“What’s for breakfast?” I asked pleasantly. (…)
Edward rolled his eyes. “Just eat, Bella.”
Entirely different meaning when you remove the comma:
“What’s fer breakfast?” the goblin growled. (…)
Edward rolled his eyes. “Just eat Bella.”
And Bella, I must simply disagree. There are etiquette books out there detailing how to dress when your vampire sweetheart takes you home to meet his vampire family:
Edward on the piano is one of the most striking images I have found in this book. If anything, Annie Leibovitz could capture the scene well with a photo lit similarly to her shots of the Queen- a dark and slightly brooding mood. It is one of the scenes that I am looking forward to the most in the upcoming movie.
I have a thing for piano music. There are few instruments as soft and perfect as just a simple piano. Like Bella, I took lessons years ago but whined enough so my mom finally relented and let me quit. It is something I regret very much (I whined about writing, she did not relent, and now I’m an author — notice the pattern).
However, despite being unable to read music, I have found that I can play things by ear, and I still get the enjoyment that comes from making music. It is one of those things that calms the mind unlike anything else; so much that after leaving the piano home, yesterday I bought a new keyboard for my apartment, so I could keep making music for my own enjoyment. Nothing really compares to being able to compose your own songs, since it comes straight from your mind, untarnished by others who cannot capture it like you can yourself.
In this way, there is something special in the fact that Edward has written a song for Bella. It shows his feelings run far deeper than mere words. When making a song, the composer is thinking about something and trying to describe it in music, be it a certain scene or a feeling or a person. It is like painting a portrait of something from your imagination, but with sound. The fact that Edward has composed a song for Bella shows that she is on his mind so much, he cannot help but have her come out through his music. The sweetness of the notes describe Bella in the way that he sees her.
I realize that by always talking about Edward’s many qualities, the guys who read this are about ready to throw something at me. After all, he is a piano-playing, sweet-talking, movie-star-looking vampire, with whom no real guy could go up against. However, I believe that a very big part of the reason Edward seems so perfect is the fact that he at least puts out the effort– and not only that, but even more importantly because he is sincere. So many guys these days can just tell girls what they want to hear, like a fake-Edward, in order to get what they want, and use shallow words to make it seem that they mean what they are saying. But the sincerity of Edward’s feelings towards Bella goes far beyond mere words or etiquette: he really does think about her all the time, and it’s the little things like his music that are a reflection of that fact.
On a completely different note, if this was the stereotypical vampire novel, this paragraph would happen differently:
“It’s nice to meet you all — you have a very beautiful home,” I added conventionally.
“Thank you,” Esme said. “We’re so glad that you came.”
Then she snickered. “But this room isn’t as beautiful as –”
She suddenly lunged to pull a nearby lever and shrieked. “–the dungeon!”
And that was the last we heard from Bella Swan.
——NOTES——
- I just finished a draft of a new song, and if anybody is interested I’d love to get you opinions on it. It’s part of a project I’m doing to compose a soundtrack score for my book. You can hear the song on this page and leave opinions for it there. I’m not sure how good I am at it, so any input is great 
- Remember - anyone who comments this week is entered in the contest for a Mitch Hansen CD from twilightteez.com . I’ll email winners next week. Oh, and if you want it, maybe mention somewhere in your comment like ‘gimme the CD!’ or similar, so I know who’s in 
- I have been getting lots of messages recently from girls apologizing for reading my site. For some reason, a few people think this site is only for guys. That is nonsense. Girls and guys are welcome, though I’m only looking for Twilight stories from Guys (on the Guys page).
- I apologize for a lack of new videos on my Youtube channel. I’m planning a few new ones very soon - time has been evading me. But I just wrapped up a completely new intro which is boatloads better than the last one. You’ll be seeing it soon.
- If you won a prize either through a post or TwilightGuys Report, I will be getting an email to you at the end of this week for your shipping info. I’m just super behind due to exams and 4 chapters I am now forced to read tonight between…midnight and 2 AM . No sleep for the Twilight Guy!
Posted in Twilight
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June 12th, 2008 at 12:20 am
… I don’t think guys even need to read Twilight anymore… they should just come to this website.
You just… get it.
I’m awed.
Twilight Guy= almost, if not equally as insightful as Edward Cullen himself.
Way to go.
June 12th, 2008 at 12:23 am
Kaleb with all of this wonderful insight into what girls want from guys, you’re going to be getting some marriage proposals soon (if you haven’t already). Edward’s great and all but a flesh and blood guy who gets it is even better. Sooooo, how do you feel about older women? *wink wink*
By the way, the picture of the Dummies book is your funniest one yet. I laughed so hard I sounded like a honking goose.
June 12th, 2008 at 12:27 am
First comment! What a treat for me. :]
Alright, Kaleb, this is not fair: you write great books, blogs, and songs (loved the new “Farfield” song, by the way.) You read Twilight and understand why all of us gals read the book as if it were the Bible. You take idiotic crap from smelly farm animals.
Yeah, you rock. Just thought you should know.
P.S. Esme would never put Bella in a dungeon — that would be Rosalie’s pleasure.
June 12th, 2008 at 12:38 am
Good Luck with everything you have to do. And i love the pic of the dummies book…but you could have put your face on the cover if you had wanted too. Anyways love your site, keep up the good work!
(p.s. as you put it “gimme that CD”)
June 12th, 2008 at 12:42 am
Kaleb, you can put into actual words why girls like Bella. Which a lot of people have trouble doing. Even those people that have read the books multiple times. You rock!!! Keep reading because it gets even better.
P.S. I would love that CD.
June 12th, 2008 at 12:51 am
“the same uneasiness an orange might feel walking into an orange juice tasting factory”
ROFL. Genius. That was possibly the funniest thing I’ve ever heard…well, read. =)
As has already been said, YOU ROCK! I have nothing more to add. XD
June 12th, 2008 at 12:58 am
haha I forgot…gimme the CD! lol
June 12th, 2008 at 1:05 am
I’m glad that you posted (and I didn’t mind the extra Twilight Guys Reports) but I would have liked to hear more about your opinions on the Cullens themselves.
I think you are one of the only people who can put into words why we girls like Edward Cullen so much.
June 12th, 2008 at 1:23 am
That was a great post (like always ^_^). I especially loved your “For Dummies” book picture! I laughed so hard that I think that I fell out of my chair!
Oh, I also thought that the changing the comma part was also funny, for I like to do that too (I’m a writer too! ^_^).
I love your website and keep up the good work! ^_^
June 12th, 2008 at 1:31 am
GIMME THAT CD! okay, now that is over. . .
First: I just wanted to say, congratulations! You are officially the only person I have ever heard of who has succesfully understood Twilight at its deepest levels.
Second: I want to know what you think about the movie. Do you think it will suck or be just as amazing as the book?
June 12th, 2008 at 1:36 am
Hey, I could really use a new cd to listen to… *wink, wink*
I was also fascinated with Edward and his piano in this scene. The piano seems like such a timeless thing to me, I dunno.. I just find myself smiling every time I read that part.
BTW, I really enjoyed your piece for the Farfield Curse.. it was gorgeous!! Very pleasant and airy melody. You did a wonderful job!
June 12th, 2008 at 1:45 am
haha. yes, I must agree with the many comments above my own. The Dummies book was, without fail, one of your best yet.
I would definitely purchase it.
If only I could put it to use…
oh! one of the comments made me quite curious…
Seriously, have you received any proposals of marriage?
hehe. I had to ask.
P.S.
and to adhere to your kind nudge to our sides, “gimme the cd”!
June 12th, 2008 at 1:58 am
OMFGGGGGGGGGGGGG AHHAHAHAHA I LOVE YOU RIGHT NOW O-M-G HAHAHAHA THE BOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!! WITH AN INTRODUCTION FROM EDWARD CULLEN HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA…………………..
Ok you officialy made my night LOL
“despite being unable to read music, I have found that I can play things by ear”
I know that feeling!!! When I was 6 years old (yeah I started playing piano since 4) I “wrote” a piece and played it to my mom (I was so happy LOL) saying it was “mine” and then she was like…. what? that’s not yours! I played it and wrote it in my stave notebook by ear!! I didn’t know I was capable of do that LOL.
And OMFG…. everything you said about Edward writing a song for Bella woahhh. I never thought about it that way! That’s true!!!! You are really good at this and I’m happy you are not the kind of guy who bash everything about Twilight.
And yeah ‘gimme the CD!’ <– tell me this “contest” is not only for guys :/
“girls apologizing for reading my site”
WHAT THE HALE? IS THAT REALLY TRUE? HAHAHA… COME ON! IT’S A WEBSITE. For Edward’s sake… I can’t even believe they apologize for that.
June 12th, 2008 at 2:02 am
hehehehehe to the book cover thats great. I love all your pictures they crack me up. Keep up the good work Kaleb its great to have a guys insight into the book, an intelligent guys insight into the book i shoudl say. Feel free to gift me with the CD, i think I should get it cause im in Australia!!! Haha
Luv ya Kaleb
June 12th, 2008 at 2:04 am
I do not find you hilarious at all Mr. Nation. And since you have absolutely no sense of humor and are as dry as a desert, for I would know, I live in one, there is only one possible question to give to you.
Will you marry me? Of course you will, you always give me what I want. HA!
June 12th, 2008 at 2:07 am
‘gimme the CD!’
just in case I win (LOL!!!!) and you have to send me an email LOL I prefer this one from this comment LOL. *dream, it doesn’t cost a thing*
June 12th, 2008 at 2:08 am
Haha, no sleep for you eh? Sorry about that!
Can’t wait for your next vid! Oh, and I’m going to be in Seattle this weekend! Yay! Except, like you, I’m not taking a taxi. Boo….But I am going to beautiful British Columbia! Yay!
Ooh, can I ask, will you be giving out free soundtracks from your book on here? Or another one of your many sites perhaps? Tell me! ‘Cause I love your music. I’m a instrumental person. And Classical, and Vocal, and World.
Oh, and sorry to disagree with you and a few other people, but I am not a piano person, I like it, but it has to be accompanied with something else. More powerful. It’s too bland to me. But I do love the organ and the harpsichord if that counts as in the same family. Does it? I don’t know.
June 12th, 2008 at 2:14 am
GIMME THE CD.
just kidding. no seriously I`m on :]
But again you completely understand what we look for in a realtionship. Thank you for putting up this new chapter, I am expecting my boyfriend to be taking your comments and putting them into our conversation tomorrow like they were his.
June 12th, 2008 at 2:23 am
Ohhh Kaleb! what a wonderful way to described Twilight, I have to agree with most of the comments before mine, the “book for dummies” is brilliant. Kaleb where were you 10 years ago when I got married? hahahaha would you take a divorcee hahahahaha keep up the good work.
*waiting for e-mail with the shipment information*
June 12th, 2008 at 3:43 am
Hahaha. Yeah, having fun with commas and sentences great.
And “gimme the CD” so that my boyfriend can listen to it (alright alright, I’d like it too). He’s just starting to read it because I forc–I mean…asked him to do so. =D
June 12th, 2008 at 3:46 am
Great review on the chapter, I love seeing other peoples input on the chapters. Your reviews also help me remember the first book since it’s been awhile since I last read it (okay it was actually a month ago).
Looking forward to your new videos.
Oh yeah and “gimmie the CD!”
June 12th, 2008 at 5:04 am
I think the song for your book is quite beautiful, did you really compose that??? LOL
Now that you have just met the Cullens, do you have a favorite??? You will get to know thwm better later.
Isn’t EDWARD the absolute BEST…All I have to do is think about him and tears fill my eyes!!!
June 12th, 2008 at 5:05 am
FORGOT….CD PLEASE…PRETTY PLEASE…
June 12th, 2008 at 5:44 am
Found this site yesterday and I’ve enjoyed your comments on each of the chapters. I’m right there with you, Edward at the piano playing for Bella and revealing that the lullaby is for her was one of the most telling scenes. Great to see the book from a guy perspective.
CDs make me happy, especially new ones.
June 12th, 2008 at 5:47 am
Oh, one of “those” chapters… And you’re reading the most funny (one of my favourites because of its originality in a certain way) next. Looking forward=) And just to say: I’m reading the book right now too. Only I’m re-reading it. It’s a weird experience to read it again after some time. It’s not the same as the first time, you analyze a lot.
Oh, and Mitch Hansen rules. I listen to him on his myspace sometimes. Very subtle melodies. Lovely.
Thanks for making this website, you make us laugh=)Oh, and your official site is just as good. Hope I will be able to read your book someday (not being american. being czech). I totally understand when you’re talking about writer’s writing=)
June 12th, 2008 at 6:25 am
lol very insightful Keleb. Though, i think Rosalie would have put Bella in the dugeon; Esme’s too nice to do that.
And I listened to your song. Very beautiful. lol at the very end I was actually tapping my finger along with certain notes, keeping the time. Well done Keleb.
Huggles!
PS- I’m trying to teach a little girl I’m babysitting not to say ‘gimme’ so instead of saying “gimme that CD please” I’m saying: Can I please be put into drawing for the CD, I would love to have it. Please and thankie.
June 12th, 2008 at 6:28 am
Kaleb, I love that book! If there is any way I could get a hold of it, please tell me. That would be soo cool.
P.S. gimme that CD please
June 12th, 2008 at 6:30 am
gimme the cd!!!
haha. I love to read your reactions for each chapter in twilight! It makes me realize that there is more meaning in the chapters. anyways if you see in stephenie meyer’s song playlist for twilight, she has the piano song title for which edward plays for bella
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LraZEoRnkPc
June 12th, 2008 at 7:53 am
Once again great commentary! The “How to dress when your vampire sweetheard takes you home to meet his vampire family” guide, and that last bit about Esme and the dungeon… I laughed so hard!
As for what you said about the two missing vampires… I don’t think Rosalie and Emmett were gone because they were told to stay away, I think it was more by (Rosalie’s) choice, as Edward hints at. But you’ll get to know them too later.
I’d love to see the piano scene in the movie as well. Did you know that Robert Pattinson has been challenged to write his version of the lullaby for the movie? It remains to see if they’ll decide to use it, but it would be cool it they did.
And I’d love to win the CD!
June 12th, 2008 at 7:57 am
The “for Dummies” Book is quite possibly the funniest thing I’ve ever seen! Love your site!!
June 12th, 2008 at 8:03 am
The for dummies book…. i wouldn’t be suprised if the make one, they have like, one for every little random thing. lol
And i’m really happy!!! I finally got my Dad to start Reading Twilight!!! He travels a lot and took my copy of it
And i really like CD’s
June 12th, 2008 at 8:10 am
your site is fantastic. Its so interesting to not only get a guys perspective on the books but an indepth study of each chapter.
p.s. i love cd’s
June 12th, 2008 at 8:34 am
One of the reasons you’re awesome, is because you can actually say why we love Edward, and all the rest of Twilight. Whenever someone asks me, I always blank out and can’t say anything other than “He’s EDWARD CULLEN!!!!” (Plus many ear shattering squees, hyper bouncing and swooning)
Thank you for the awesome sight!
Now Gimme That CD!
June 12th, 2008 at 8:44 am
You really made my day! I love your posts!
PS, Give me the CD!
*woot*
June 12th, 2008 at 8:47 am
Again, very insightful interpretation of chapter 15. This is one of my favorite chapters because it also shows a bit of Edward’s vulnerability. The simple fact that he’s introducing Bella to his family and opening his vampire soul to her through his music is both touching and loving. He trust’s Bella with a part of him that is not solid, but ever-changing and unpredictable.Very beautiful chapter on Meyer’s part and very good summary on yours! I’m glad that you enjoyed it!
Collette
p.s. i kinda do want the cd!!!
June 12th, 2008 at 8:52 am
if i need to be more explicit: GIMME THAT CD!!!!!!!!!! Ok, I’m done now, I get a little excited, the only thing I’ve ever won was a pink bunny beanie baby…pathetic I know…
June 12th, 2008 at 8:55 am
Can I still win the cd if I criticize your blog?
well I’m going for it anyways
“we writers” “as a writer” blah blah blah… It makes you sound a bit pretentious. I’m glad that you are a great writer, you really are, but I like to imagine that Kaleb is a down to earth guy. A guy who can joke around and post his face onto funny pictures but that is taken away every time I see “we writers.”
June 12th, 2008 at 8:56 am
Love that For Dummies book! I think it’s pretty obvious that girls can read this site, too, considering that an overwhelming majority of the comments are by girls. Or at least the names given in front of the comments are girl’s names… You should encourage the guy readers of the site to comment more, so we know they’re here! Or maybe that’s what they don’t want…:) Anyway, love the site! And I would also like to get that CD!!
June 12th, 2008 at 9:02 am
@Roki #37: Do I sound pretentious? I’m trying to make fun of myself and how crazy writers like me are. If other people think I am sounding pretentious, I’ll stop talking about writers.
And I know for a fact, nowhere and to no one in my life, have I said that I am a ‘great writer’. It’s something I do not do. You will not find me saying it in a single place on any of my sites either.
June 12th, 2008 at 9:06 am
Ha! I totally love this site, it’s how I got my brother and guy friend to read Twilight. Now they’re both hooked. Thanks Kaleb!
June 12th, 2008 at 9:07 am
I always enjoy all of your comments about writers. More often than not, they are all true. I know this personally because I had many crazy language arts teachers in high school… and I’m not exactly sane myself. ^^ I am a self proclaimed logophile. I don’t think there are such things as sane logophiles.
Isn’t discovering what so many girls see in Edward Cullen part of your ‘research’ that your do by reading the book. Given that, I wouldn’t be surprised if more than half of the people who look at this site are girls. I don’t know about others, but I love a good discussion. It’d be nice to discuss these books with a guy, just to get a different perspective. Most girls have the same idea about the book for the most part.
One more thing, gimmie the CD please. ^_^
June 12th, 2008 at 9:07 am
Oh crap, I forgot to mention:
I’d like the CD!
June 12th, 2008 at 9:11 am
I would love a CD!
Having recently discovered your site, I’ve been greatly enjoying following your reading of Twilight. Kuddos on both your insightfulness and excellent use of humor!
June 12th, 2008 at 9:31 am
[...] Our favorite Twilight guy has updated his website with chapter 15 (The Cullens)!!! To see what he has to say about the chapter click here! [...]
June 12th, 2008 at 9:42 am
I agree, you do “just get it”. Spot on!
Also, as a pianist, I know exactly what you’re saying about music. There’s a quote I LOVE, though I have no idea who said it, “Music speaks the beauty that words cannot express.”
P.S. Jim Brickman is one of my favorites!
P.P.S. Count me in (for the CD)!
June 12th, 2008 at 9:45 am
P.P.P.S. I enjoy hearing your writer insights! So, please don’t stop just because of one comment! I find it fascinating! You point out things that I would never have noticed or thought about. I have never thought you were being pretentious at all!
June 12th, 2008 at 9:49 am
wow im really amazed.. you really do… get it. i love that you truly understand it
and you make it funny that dummies book was definitely the funniest ive seen so far good job!
oh.. and GIMME THAT CD!!!!
June 12th, 2008 at 9:53 am
i forgot… I love hearing what you say from a writers’ pov dont stop!!! i dont think you sound pretentious at all. dont stop because of one comment
June 12th, 2008 at 9:54 am
Kaleb, You ARE a wonderful writer! I enjoy your site very much and without the help of your Twilightguy stories and such, I would not have convinced my dad to read Twilight! :-p When he finishes the book I really want him to send his story to you because it is funny. Thanks for another great post! (GIMME THAT CD!…please
June 12th, 2008 at 9:55 am
I agree! Edward is not only perfect but hes sincere and cares! Of course women like him for that. Nobody wants a phony.
You, Kaleb Nation, are amazing that you actually get it. Kudos to your intuitive-ness. And as you mentioned, “GIMME THAT CD!!”
June 12th, 2008 at 9:58 am
Oh yes, I forgot to mention earlier…gimme that CD!
June 12th, 2008 at 10:13 am
I agree with many of the other comments, you really do seem to understand Edward and the appeal he has for women of all ages. Chivalry is all but dead in this day and age, and Edward still holds true to that old concept that made men desirable. Keep up the wonderful posts.
June 12th, 2008 at 10:13 am
gimme the CD!
I think that picture of the ‘Dummies’ book was your best yet. Very original. I bet Stephenie would get a real kick out of it.
June 12th, 2008 at 10:24 am
“don’t gimme CD”
Golly, people get on this site at all odd (and even) hours of the morning (and maybe your time zones are just WAY different), and that just shows how ridiculously dedicated some (including myself occasionally) Twilightguy fans are.
Don’t get worried that we all think you’re haughty; I understood that you’re just joking. Anything to make the fans laugh, right?
Love your posts! Keep them coming! I do like chapters better than reports, but I won’t send you a nasty e-mail.
June 12th, 2008 at 10:26 am
Like I have said before I love everything you have to say about this book! I woke up this morning so excited to get on TwilightGuy so I could see what you had to say next! I have also said before any girl would be lucky to have you
Oh I could use a new CD
June 12th, 2008 at 10:36 am
Your song is great…totally mesmerising and enchanting. I listened to it a million times at work!
June 12th, 2008 at 10:39 am
I loved the switch around in the comma “just eat bella” I havent laughed that hard in forever Lol!
And I personally have nothing against the “we writers” jokes. Those are always really funny!
I think that it would be Rosalie who would Love putting Bella in the dungeon xD I could totally imagine that, even though Edward would kill her
June 12th, 2008 at 10:40 am
Sorry, I have to agree with Roki…I also don’t like it when you talk about “we writers”…I’m sure you don’t have this intention, but it seems to me as if you’re putting yourself above all of us regular, untalented people…and then explaining it to us so we’ll understand.
June 12th, 2008 at 10:46 am
Kaleb, I love this site! Your insightfulness is making me find things that i didn’t find more, and it’s making me love Edward even more! And if you don’t mind I’m gonna borrow what you said about it not being a stereotypical vampire novel, and show it to my friend, because she refuses to read Twilight, because her sister said it was the same as all vampire stories. Thanks!
June 12th, 2008 at 10:49 am
Oh yeah, gimme CD, please!!!
June 12th, 2008 at 10:52 am
I enjoyed the music page very much! Goodness, is there anything you CAN’T do?! (From the comments above, I believe you’re being elevated to Edward status!)
LOVED the Dummies book! OME!
I’m pretty sure you don’t listen to the disparagers or you couldn’t be in your “biz”. Keep ignoring ‘em, there’ll always be nay-sayers. I just don’t understand people and their negativity…
CD please!
I already own it, but I’d love a copy to use as a prize the the Twilight Saga book Club I run for my local Barnes & Noble!
TwiGuy is the best!
June 12th, 2008 at 10:53 am
I would absolutely love to have that CD!
My regards will be in my email as far as how much I enjoy this site.
Awesome work Kaleb!
June 12th, 2008 at 10:56 am
Bella really needs that book–but I bet she wouldn’t read it if you gave it to her!
Put me in for the cd!
June 12th, 2008 at 11:09 am
I love your site, Kaleb! I’m always looking for updates so keep up the good work! I also love you describe Edward and Bella’s relationship.. its amazingg! Again, keep up the good workk!
ps. i would love that CD. The Mitch Hansen Band are one of my favoritess. please and thank you : )
June 12th, 2008 at 11:11 am
Put me in for the cd!
I love your insight on the book so far as well
June 12th, 2008 at 11:12 am
Hello Kaleb,
I have been reading but have not commented before. I must reply to Roki at 37, as well as the many other similar messages I have seen throughout this site.
Kaleb, you are a writer. When your novel comes out, you will have thousands of critics hitting you from all angles- some of these with professional opinions who will tear your work into pieces. The press is a beast who will attack not only your work, but also make direct strikes upon your personal character in an effort to weaken you in the eyes of your readers, and ultimately to sell papers. It is a part of the business, and because you are so young, you will be scrutinized by the media more than others. But under no circumstances should you allow what they say to affect you.
I am a writer, and have had my works ripped to tattered shreds on many occasions, publicly, not only by critics but by readers. Does it ever stop hurting? No, it does not. But you learn to ignore those people.
The fact that there are 2 out of thousands of readers here who voice this opinion only reflects what all writers, including you, will and do go through. But you cannot, under any circumstance, listen to what they say, or offer as you did in comment 39 to change yourself to make them happy. In no way do you come across as pretentious, in fact you are far the opposite. The people who say these things must not read the entire article, but just skim for words and then comment based on an incorrect assumption. You are a popular writer, and you will be famous before this century is up, but not once have you said or alluded to such - your readers find out on their own. You have done the best that any writer can do, and that is leave opinions of your writing up to the ultimate judges, which are your readers.
If every writer listened to every critic, and tried to make everyone happy, there would be no good writing left. You cannot please everyone. You will go mad if you try. Two out of thousands is a very low number. I’d go with pleasing the thousands of others, and leave the two to their own opinions.
Jo
June 12th, 2008 at 11:19 am
This was one of my favorite chapters in the whole book. Of course, I love just about every chapter of the book, but this one is always one I look forward to when I’m re(rerererererere)reading. Partly because I play piano and I love it to death and partly because if any guy ever wrote me a song, I would pretty much faint or something like that. Just proves once again how lucky Bella is to have found someone like Edward.
(I love Mitch Hansen. :3)
June 12th, 2008 at 11:24 am
[...] Twilight Guy has finished chapter 15, and now has his review up for us all to read HERE. [...]
June 12th, 2008 at 11:25 am
damn. i wonder if the Jo who commented 66 is the Jo we all think of when we think of a writer named Jo…
June 12th, 2008 at 11:25 am
Allow me to just say:
GIMME THE CD!!!!!!!!!! =]
Anyways, definitely one of your funnier chapters! I laughed out loud when I read your additions to Bella Swan’s saga. Though I’d be PISSED if that happened in the book, it definitely does follow typically vampire novel characteristics.
June 12th, 2008 at 11:26 am
Inmortal’s Twilight cuss words cracked me up!
I play the piano, and I guess I’m not a natural genius like you because it’s a lot of work…. Then again, maybe I’m playing harder stuff? Unknown.
PS “gimme that CD”
June 12th, 2008 at 11:29 am
…
Gimme the CD!:))
nuff said.
June 12th, 2008 at 11:37 am
Hahaha, I love that Dummies Guide! That’s the funniest thing I’ve seen all week!
Nice job, Kaleb.
June 12th, 2008 at 11:48 am
Love the Dummies Guide. Ha-freaking-larious! I too am a sucker (no pun intended) for a piano player.
Gimmie the CD! LOL.
June 12th, 2008 at 11:51 am
LOL!!!
The Dummies Book was vamptastic! and i totally laughed my ass of when i read the rewritten Paragraph about Bella and Esme!!! continue your awesome work!
oh and….
I WANT THAT CD!!!!!!!!!
bye
Lisa
June 12th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
I feel bad that you’ve gotten snarky e-mails and comments. You shouldn’t be hounded about when or what you post. It’s a blog, not a news site. And people like that only perpetuate the rabid fangirl image that people associate with these books. I don’t think you sound pretentious either - your readers know upfront that they’re getting an interpretation of this book from a writer’s perspective, and that includes mechanics.
June 12th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
kaleb, i love how you actually understand why we love edward. it amazes me.
gimme the CD man!!!
June 12th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Haha, inmortal!! I have to start this comment off with a comment on your comment. (does that make sense? :D) “WHAT THE HALE?” That’s pretty genius, did you make that up? Yeah, I think it’s sooo wonderful how he writes her a song! I cannot wait to see that in the movie. You’re really understanding, Kaleb! Thanks for doing all this.
P.S. “Gimme that CD” please!
June 12th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Your picture this post was hilarious. Dangermagnetosis, eh? Anyway, that’s true. I wish guys would just realize that no one expects them to actually BE Eward (that is impossible for two reason: (1) because he is a fictional character, and (2) because it’s just.. not possible. Hah.), just to be sincere about the things they do. Glad you pointed it out.
Ps. A guy I like just finished reading Twilight (with no one actually MAKING him) and I nearly died of joy when he told me. I wodner if I can get him to post something on here..
PPS. Gimme that CD!
June 12th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
You always seem to understand Edward so much.
I love to listen to your opinions about twilight.
I’m so glad you are not afraid to show the twilight community that your are a guy, and you like twilight.
Keep doing what you’re doing!
oh yeah… ummm…
GIMME THAT CD PLEASE!
June 12th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
I laughed when you re-wrote the paragraph on Bella and Esme! And i loved how you described Edward!
Why people would leave such snarky messages is beyond me. Your intitled to your opinion!
June 12th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Gah.. I hate when I misspell words..
so I meant *Edward. (Obviously.)
*reasonS (plural dammit!)
*wonder (not wodner. Sounds like Wapner.)
Umm.. how about you gimme that CD?
Just thought I should ask again. :]
June 12th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Oh!
I forgot to mention how much i really really like the Mitch Hansen band!
June 12th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
Of course Im in for the cd?
On to the main subject however, I think you were dead on (hahaha, I crack myself up, ok seriously though no pun intended) when you gave your opinion of why women are so interested in Edward. You are right, it isn’t what he does, the fact that he is undead or that he is super model material. It is that he listens, he cares and I don’t think anyone can question his relentless devotion. He adores her on such a wide open level, it sucks girls in. Thats what we all want, someone to listen to us and adore us? And lets not forget protect us from ourselves. Keep up the good work! ~a twilightmom~
June 12th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
“After all, he is a piano-playing, sweet-talking, movie-star-looking vampire, with whom no real guy could go up against.”
I beg to differ, Kaleb. I know a human I’d take over both Edward and Jacob any day.
June 12th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Loved this post. Like all the other ones. And I, personally, love that you mention the different things you notice as a writer. Most people don’t pay attention to such simple things or notice how important they are to the overall story. Not only are you bringing up things that others have missed, you’re giving a reason for it. It adds a certain appeal to your chapter reviews; makes it more interesting than just giving a summary of what you read.
June 12th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
kaleb nation, you will one day make some wonderful girl amazingly happy!!!! do you realize you are one of the few guys who actually completely and totally understands this book? i have said this before and i will say it again: YOU ARE AMAZING!!!!!
oh and by the way would absolutely love a cd!!!!
June 12th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
Hiya, Kaleb! I’ve been looking forward on your notes to this chapter for WEEKS! I am soo soo happy you didn’t let me down, all I could say was COOL BEANS. And your song was very very pretty. So cool beans and congrats, Kaleb! And now on to the rest of the book… <3
Oh, yes, and I looked up the CD… sounds cool!
June 12th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
Your great at this!! I love when you say things like and us writers love to do this!!! anyways will listen to that music..and you’re really getting why we love Edward..can’t wait for more!!
P.S. I want THAT CD!!
June 12th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
hmm i know some guys thats read it and are totally consumed by them too
June 12th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
Gimme THE CD PLEASE!
ok, now that that’s out of the way,
Umm, can I marry you??
Jk, but you sem to understand Edward Cullen better than any guy I have ever met and that amazes me! Your blog is amazing and funny too. So thanks!
June 12th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
To respond to earlier comments, I do not think you sound pretentious at all when you say “as a writer”. I completely understand why you sometimes talk about the crazy things writers do/say and it definitely adds to your blog. Please keep the insight coming! Your opinions and comments on all things from twilight to gnomes are really entertaining and spot on. Again, you totally nailed the whole ‘why every girl loves Edward’ thing–genius!!! Btw, I might need to buy myself a copy of How to Dress When Your Vampire Sweetheart Takes You Home To Meet His Vampire Family…wait, Edward is not real, nor is he my sweetheart…never mind!!! Great job! Keep the posts coming!
oh yeah and gimme the cd
June 12th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
Heyhey
Just wanted to let you know about the song I think of as Bella’s lullaby.. It’s a very beautiful piano piece called “River Flows In You” by Yiruma.
I love your blog & I’m proud that Twilight is so awesome that it’s being read by guys who truly appreciate how wonderful Edward is.
-Sasha
June 12th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
Another great post- If only I could find a copy of that For Dummies book you mentioned…
I don’t think you sound pretentious by saying “we writers” since you ARE a writer. (and a fairly good one, in my opinion)
and I found this on Twilight Lexicon: “there’s also a basement where they keep illicit things. It’s hard to get to, if you’re not a vampire.” hmmm… creepy dungeon, perhaps?
Please gimme the CD!
June 12th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
*ahem* GIMME THE CD!
That aside, thank you so much for what you’re doing for us Twilight fans. You are articulate, charming, witty, and you respect all your readers (except the farm critters obviously). Sheesh. Insightful, brave, funny- WHY AREN’T THERE MORE OF YOU?
June 12th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
Haha You are so funny! Love your blogs and how you are able to understand Edward Cullen! The music is great! You are a great writer, you are nice, you play music… Is there anything else we need to know? You’re like the Edward Cullen of the real world. That bookcover is so hilarious! ♥
Gimme the CD (but only if it’s not to expensive for you to ship it to Germany XD)
June 12th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Lmao I laughed so hard at the dummies book my mom had to slap me to stop “what in the heck is wrong with you!?” she yelled at me
and ur still right about Edward!! Kelab I love you man!!
keep on writing’
June 12th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Kaleb,
I agree with Jo. You will be well-known when your own novel comes out, and you certainly do not boast about that fact. You shouldn’t listen to anyone who criticizes your writing; it’s yours and you will write it how you wish.
I also relate to your joy in music-making. I’ve been a pianist for fourteen years, and there is no delight in anything like playing the piano. I encourage you to try to pick back up your lessons in some way; if you remember anything about reading music, try to perfect it. Perhaps you can teach yourself a bit. It’s a wonderful feeling when you can just sit on the bench and play whatever you like, whatever you feel. Edward perfectly exemplifies this transfer of emotion into melody.
Keep up the reading! I enjoy every word of your commentary.
June 12th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
Pardon, let me clarify that first paragraph. You don’t boast about your writing, so you don’t sound pretentious. At all. Don’t concern yourself with what one or two people say.
June 12th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
haha i love when u rewrite the passages.
gimme the CD! lol please?
June 12th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Kaleb,
I just found your website today and ave been sitting here for HOURS reading and re-reading this blog. And to tell you the truth, I love it! You’re brave, and as you write your own personal comments, I find my self in concurrence with you. It all makes sense. And putting your spin on things, makes it all more fun, and worth it. I hope you enjoy the rest of the book, and series. I know I have, after reading it about 5 times, each book.
By the way, I am most sincerely interested in the Mitch Hansen CD.
June 12th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
You’re exactly right. We girls want sincerity. I don’t think it’s too much to ask for.
PS - Count me in for the CD thing. :D!
June 12th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
Kaleb! You did a comment commenting on Roki’s comment. Will you please tell me if you are going to give out any of your CD’s? Pleassse! Pleassse!!!
Larissa aka Lari
June 12th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
OMG i love ur opinions on the book [just eat Bella, ROTFL!! =] I wish more guys would read twilight. i tried to make my friend read it and after reading the book jacket he made it sound like i was trying to get him to shave off his eyebrows!!!
i finally conviced my Dad to read the first book so he’ll have some background on the whole situation when he takes me to the big New York stop on the Breaking dawn tour. [i live a 1/2 hour away and could take the subway there all by myself, but hes really waaaaaaaaay overprotective.] i think he could use a little encouragement though, just a little reasurance that there are indeed twilight guys out there. heres his e-mail:
**************
assure him that ur not a fake? pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaassssseeeeeeeeeeeee?????
Oh and PS:
‘GIMME THE CD!!!’ ;] lol
-gab
June 12th, 2008 at 3:08 pm
@Lari: Two of my songs are free on a hidden page at http://www.branhambric.com . I’m not sure about plans for a soundtrack with the book. But either way, I will still make sure by the time the book is out they’re available in some way.
–K
June 12th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
I love seeing this book from your point of view. It is very refreshing!
June 12th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
HAHAHA!!! OMG I love that dummies book Kaleb! Put me down for an order of that! LOL also love the change in the commas and Esme’s lines love the “Twilight in sterotypical vampire book style”. Oh and gimme the cd..pretty please
You’re awesome Kaleb keep up the posts!
June 12th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
Oh and just to say on the other side of #37, I like hearing you talk about writers. I myself wish to be a writer and i like hearing what goes on in a writers head. I enjoy reading your blogs and your takes on the twilight book. Its like reading a twilight over again except its a new book. I actually read the book along with you so that i can compare what you say to what i say. Very Similar! Well Anyway, READ THIS KALEB!!!
GIMME THE CD!!!!!
June 12th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
Oh and if you don’t already know, there are two “aprils” commenting on your site, I am #108. And i will now refer myself to either April #1 or April K. Thanks Kaleb!!!! GIMME THE CD!!!! I already know that i said that but i really want it!
June 12th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
Great job analyzing the chapter! Oh, and I looked at the link to the “writer junk” thing, and i realized that my room looks almost exactly the same! =]
GIMME THE CD!
June 12th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
I love your writings about these chapters and how you notice some “writer” stuff like rearranging the dots and all, it gives a nice perspective. And may I add, you really get what Edward is all about.
And I would really like the cd!
June 12th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
Its funny how each time I read this book (and believe me its been numerous times) something different each time speaks to me. I guess that is one of the reasons people like it so much, becuase you can read it over and over.
For you this chapter speaks to your musical side, something that has been embedded in you and Cemented in your childhood. You even bought a keyboard! In some strange ways I think Twilight effects more then just the immediate when you read it.
Just for the record, I really love your pictures, they make me smile, especially the ones where you use the same face. Keep doing what your doing!
June 12th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Jesus Christ! I’m the 113th comment? How do you not get scared? Eek.
Anyway, just wanted to leave some words. I usually don’t comment even though (trust me on this one) I check this site every single day.
However, I must say that as much as I love your Twilight Guy Reports, yours is one of my favourite websites mainly because of your chapter reviews. It’s not only because you’re a guy (which, by itself, is quite refreshing on this fanbase), but also because you get this book like NO ONE else.
You have so much insight it makes me feel… er… how do I put it? Less smart? Yeah. xD But it’s good!
If you ask me, your chapter reviews… Well, let’s just say that as bigger as better!
Go Kaleb! The only non-fictional Edward out there!
June 12th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
I said this on the last chapter but it amazes me each new post of yours. You really do get it.
One of the things I pride myself on is how I may love Edward…but that is NOT the reason I love Twilight. The book has all these gripping ideas and fascinating sentences and is just so beautifully written. It’s so gripping.
And like you said, Edward is so sincere. So are all the Cullens. Emmett may be joking all the time (except you haven’t really heard from him yet…) but he’s still so sincere. People shouldn’t try to act like they think is expected of them…or if they really do love someone…they should SHOW how sincere they are rather than fitting the mold. Who wouldn’t rather have someone who was sincere about everything they said than someone who lies and tells you sweet things that he doesn’t really mean?!
So I sincerely thank you for having this site and showing people the marvel of Twilight that is much deeper than perfect vampire boyfriends!
~Rachel
P.S. - I am definitely in.
June 12th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
I think this site is great!!
How’d you create that “How to dress…” cover anyways. lol. It was great, and I’d totally buy it if it were real.
OOO, and I would really love that CD!
June 12th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
You rock Kaleb! I always look forward to your updates!
PS: CD please?!
June 12th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
[...] The Twilight Guy, has a new chapter up. At this new speed he’ll soon be ready for New [...]
June 12th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Who needs sleep?
Edward doesn’t… so obviously it can’t be that bad.
I want that cd.
I have a zune (because Ipods are overrated) and I can’t get Mitch Hansen on Zune… 
June 12th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
You make me seriuosly laugh out loud sometimes. You posts are so funny!
Oh and “gimme the CD”
June 12th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
gimme the CD please!!