(Posted by Kaleb Nation )

Reading Breaking Dawn: Chapter 5 (Isle Esme)

April 23rd, 2009 at 11:30 pm by Kaleb Nation



I have nothing more to say about that.

Posted in Breaking Dawn

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151 Responses

  1. Fruit

    LOL. πŸ˜€

  2. Stef

    =) you loved it.

  3. Jessica

    hahaha…your hilarious Kaleb!

  4. marie claire

    really, kaleb? really? i thought this was some sort of mistake when i came to it!
    okay, i have an idea. just regroup your thoughts, and try to say something about this chapter :)
    or not. :)
    either way, i accept you. :)

  5. Josie

    hahahah best post EVER! Lol jk!!

  6. vanesa

    hahahaha… oohh i was so looking forward you coment on this!! XD

  7. Elizabeth

    Thats so funny!

  8. SaraRAz

    HAHAHAHAHAHA, oh Please enlighten us with your wisdom.

  9. Alyssa B.

    lol lol lol lol

  10. Misti Schindele

    LOL, you crack me up Kaleb!!!! Love your blog…you were the proof I needed to get my little Brother to read Twilight!!!

  11. Pam

    Stunned into silence, eh?

  12. reinix


  13. H.Fallon

    HA HA HA HA MY FEELINGS EXACTLY! And that's saying something b/c I'm a girl and have been waiting for that moment FOREVER.

  14. Rigby9091

    Nothing at all? I find that hard to believe.

  15. reinix

    …just warn the young'ns.

  16. Alex

    Haha, I had the same reaction.
    Just wait. I bet you'll have this reaction over again a few more times…

  17. Pixie

    rotfl, Kaleb!
    Did anyone else notice: there's not even a song for this chapter! I'm sure there's something out there that could represent it well. lol

  18. Melissa (melissaturkey)

    Okay so you could have at least commented on the fact that when the Cullens are feeling romantic they buy eachother islands! at the very least!
    jeepers! typical guy! but then again this is what amuses us about your perspective, the guy part in twilight guy, lol
    πŸ˜€ melissaturkey

  19. Marie1810

    Nothing? You always commented on the lovey-dovey chapters before, so I can only assume that you will post later. I mean, we – your fans – got your book really high on the preorders list so you kinda owe us (yeah, that's right, I AM playing the guilt card!) But seriously, I still love you, cause that post was hilarious!

  20. Sarah B.

    awww come on Kaleb!! You KNOW you want to write a review for this chapter. You can use this get-out-of-jail free card only once!!!!

    J/k Ill still read your blogs/reviews :)

  21. Dyla

    Love the review! and now…..well……I'd pay anything to know what YOU are thinking……LOL

  22. Marie1810

    Oh and at least now you can make (and understand) pillow jokes!

  23. maygirl

    Please Kaleb, write the review. We will be waiting

  24. Marie1810

    Because you're the Twilight GUY, you HAVE to write a review of this chapter : us girls talk about it all the time and we have no idea what guys think of it because even for the few of us who know a guy who read Breaking Dawn, said guy will not discuss this particular chapter. (Guilt card again lol and I promise I will not comment this review a 4th time!!!)

  25. Gothhic Goddess

    ROFL. I do believe that is the most succinct chapter review ever. Poor Kaleb, you are going to be hounded by all of your female followers (and possibly a few guys) for your actual thoughts of this chapter. One thing about this chapter though, Steph does not go into extreme detail, which gives your poor mind a break. πŸ˜€

  26. Shannon

    We need a song for this chapter, even if you not writing proper review!!!!

  27. NuttyNetty

    lol April Fools passed kaleb! haha

  28. Herenya

    Heh. That was my thought, too.

  29. Shakesgirl


    I was really looking foward to hearing your thoughts on this chapter.

    I guess its not really a guy chapter.

  30. Ashley


  31. Kelly

    Oh my gosh, Kaleb, I was waiting for you to read this chapter, and I have not been disappointed. SO FUNNY!

  32. Stacy Steinkirchner

    hahahahah oh come onnnnnnnn!! it wasn't written like those romance novels with fabio on the cover. what did you think would happen on the honeymoon? you can talk about the ridiculous trip to the island, how amazing the house is. of course the cullens own an island, haha psshhhhh..

  33. Steph

    Ahaha… Poor Kaleb. We all knew this was coming. And nobody warned you. Twilighters can be cruel.

    I can't stop laughing… It's like when you read that chapter in Eclipse. Compromise, I think it was. Aw. I feel bad for you.

  34. Emma

    LOL! Love your responses/comments for the chapters! And nobody told you what was coming b/c we wanted you to experience the chapters and what happened in them yourself, free of judgement. You are awesome!

  35. MegisRFF

    Aww come on!! lol…I want a real post!! *though this is rather entertaining!*

  36. Bev

    It amuses me that everyone is pushing so hard for your take on it when it was clearly given….the whole thing made you feel awkward lol. That in itself is a full opinion, no more needed. Maybe the awkwardness was so complete that he can't elaborate on it.

  37. Bev

    This wasn't meant in a mean way to anyone. It just really made me laugh that every comment was “oh come on we want more” :)

  38. Tara.Seanan

    This is definitely your funniest post yet… πŸ˜€

  39. Brandi

    Oh Kaleb….
    Its okay. lol
    having to talk about the whole SEX issue would make me feel awkward also!
    So funny…
    that was great.

  40. Angelnet69

    C'mon… guys POV pretty important here…. you can't just leave it at that :0p

  41. Rakey

    I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. I'd been telling my friends that you'd avoid this chapter (yesterday, in fact, I said “I think the reason Kaleb hasn't posted the next chapter is because he doesn't know what the hell to say”. I also may have… erhm… said something along the lines of “Kaleb being the prude he is,” but that's because of the part of you I see, it's sort of prudish (I mean, I don't know you outside the internet world).

  42. Mattie


  43. bloodnoir

    God, I would've killed to see your face while reading what had to be (for girls) the most anticipated scene EVER. I wonder if you were as red as Bella gets *grins*
    Oh, the wolf pack pic…love what you've done with it *bursts out laughing*
    and a little side note…I've added your widget to all my pages and have been talking the book up to all my Harry Potter obsessed friends.

  44. Meghan

    HAHAHAHA! Best. Reaction. Ever.

  45. Jackie

    Great post Kabel. This has got to be one of my favourites!!

  46. Anna_Loves_TWILIGHT

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, I'm gonna go ahead and guess that you didn't know this was going to happen. Come on! Just Post Your Thoughts!!!! Skip The Awkward Part And Tell About The Rest!! Though as short as that post was, it was hilarious.

  47. Krista_la

    HA HA HA HA! And also, HA HA! No words to describe how awesome this post was.

  48. Hope

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!! That's the face I made!!!!

    I would like to say as a girl this was not the most anticipated scene. For me it was probably the very end, I wanted to know how SM would end it all.

    I feel the need to worn you, you might want to save that picture you might need it for later use.

    Also after reading the comments please don't feel guiltly about not writing about this chapter (did that even make sence? I just woke up…). I would have done the same thing.

  49. Colleen

    LOL, aw I feel bad for yea, were you scarred? I was lol, it was….well you hit it right on the nail, AWKWARD. haha, best of luck to you with the therapy =)

  50. Cindy

    HAHAHAH!!!!!! Awww come onn!!! Nothing?!!?

  51. Catherine


  52. Nikki

    That's really all we get? C'mon Kaleb! I was so looking forward to your thoughts on this chapter!

  53. (The)Victoria(Poet)

    Ok that was hilarious. πŸ˜€

  54. Mia


  55. gabriella

    omg kaleb! comeon! you need to say something! rant! complain! something! its going to just get alot weirder from here! trustt meee. and i think in the end you'll ultimately be disappointed by the last book, tho i know youll never admit it.

  56. cnfac

    Alright that is amazing!

  57. Jenny G.

    ROTFL!!!!!!! Great job Kaleb. However I would have to agree that you really should comment on this chapter. And you really should have a song for this chapter. How about Barry White's “Can't Get Enough of Your Love Baby”? That would really describe this chapter adequately and set the mood for this chapter. What do you say Kaleb?

  58. Kira

    hahahahahaha I love it! I'd love a song for it though…. maybe “lets get it on” by Marvin Gaye?

  59. Daniela


  60. MACELA

    lol awww i feel bad 4 u but i would have killed to see your face

  61. Abby

    lol awww i feel bad 4 u but i would have killed to see your face it must have been priceless, i have to admit, it was pretty awkward after the humorus feather comment, lol oh well it could have been much worse lol, just be happy that she is a mormon, and won't describe things like that in graphic detail.

  62. Heather

    AHAHAHAHA!!! Oh poor Kaleb lol. I enjoyed the chapter, but then again I am a girl lol. In fact, I use the quotes: “Why am I covered in feathers?” “I bit a pillow…or two” frequently on various websites for my signature lol.

    And that picture of your eyebrow raising always freaks me out. I can't tell if I'm going crazy or if the picture actually moved.

  63. Paige

    *laughing my butt off*
    Best. Post. Ever.

  64. Victoria

    KALEB NOOOO!!! I was so looking forward to what you would have to say about this chapter!!!! Ahhh! This was like one of the best chapters ever!

  65. Amylee

    ME TOO!! LOL

  66. Nightmare and Dream

    *can't stop laughing*
    You are made of WIN! LOLOLOLOLOL~
    This post is epic!

  67. Becky

    you know, i never thought about how awkward this chapter would be for a guy to read… unless he liked romance, which some guys do. at the time of reading i was just thinking “no, don't fade to black before the good stuff!” ah, not even a lengthy description of edward naked *sigh*. lol!
    oooh…if you want really awkward, you should read some of the fanfiction lemons that are of this chapter πŸ˜€

  68. Paige

    I can't even tell you how hard i was laughing…. =D

    I really,really,really,really,really,really,really,really,really,really,really, (how many really's is that?) wish I could of seen you're face when you read Chapter 5!

  69. shelby

    lol u r SO HILARIOUS!!! although ihave to say that i do know how u must feel that chapter was pretty awkward….. =)

  70. YetAnotherTwilightFan

    LOL!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I loved this post!!!

  71. CarolB790

    LMAO. I knew it.
    What do you people expect him to say?
    We know what happened.
    Unless..you wanted him to tell you why Edward had to bite pillows.

    Wait, did someone just tell Kaleb to go read fanfic LEMONS!?

  72. Karli

    same here. he should have totally recorded himself reading this chapter! it would have been super funny.

  73. Sakura

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Wow…. Shortest chapter post ever! Is that really all you have to say about it??? Come on!!! I thought that you would've at least commented on the pillow! πŸ˜€

  74. Yesenia

    haha. man! i was hoping you really had something more to say about it! lol. i was thinking the same thing at first, but theni started thinking, i bet bella looked hot in that stu… only thing is…its very difficult for me to envision that.

  75. twilightluv210

    lol Kaleb XP

  76. Rachel M.

    LOL! Amazing post!
    Awesome picture with the eyebrow thing. :)

  77. Samantha KL

    Haha. And let the awkwardness that makes a frequent appearance in breaking dawn commence. I think, as others have suggested, you should make a video in parody of you reading this chapter. I'm sure that would, at the very least, be a sufficient replacement for your actual commentary. Lolz.

  78. Paige

    Oh come on Kaleb, you're more mature than this. They're a married couple BEYOND being madly in love, you KNOW this. What did you expect? Stephenie kept it PG for the younger readers, although a 23 year old woman like myself was a bit disappointed, I figured a young man like yourself wouldn't feel AWKWARD reading this chapter. You definetely surprised me (and slightly disappointed me) with this post.

  79. Tara.Seanan

    You forgot the chapter song! I suggest 'Rock the Casbah.' πŸ˜€

  80. sAUMIA

    HAHAHA =]

  81. Jessica

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Just think of the legions of fans who were just WAITING for you to read this chapter. PRECIOUS. And LOL at Tara.Seanan. Rock the Casbah. xD

  82. Jo

    I was wondering what you would do at this chapter…
    Ah, priceless.

  83. Sasha

    LOL oh man who knew something that simple would make me laugh that much??!!

    & I agree with Samantha KL…VIDEO POST!!!!

  84. Brilliant Mess

    *first look* ……. hehehehe *falls of chair laughing*

    this has made my whole twilight experience.

  85. Sara

    jajajajaja, I just can imagine your face while you were reading it, must be priceless “I have nothing more to say about that.” jajajaja. But well for me was one of the best chapters of this sequel

  86. Madeleine

    LOL, isn't that the same photo you used for Chapter 20 of Eclipse?

    Come on. We've all been waiting for you to read this, the least you can do is comment on something. Isn't there SOMETHING you can make fun of? You cannot tell us you honestly have nothing to say about this chapter. Is wasn't even like the wedding night was all that happened in chapter 5.
    And anyway, was it really THAT bad? Stephenie didn't even go into detail! Surely as a writer (and a reader) you've come across worse.
    Well, whatever. You know we'll all forgive you eventually :)

  87. Gianna

    lol!!!that was like ur best post ever lol!!!and that was pretty much the face i made when i was reading it….can u say AWKWARD!!!

  88. Ylva

    Hahaha, finally you read that chapter. xP
    But your post was quite short though..

  89. Brogan

    Awkward!? What!?
    It would have been awkward had there been a play by play! I thought that Stephenie Meyer handled it really well. She managed to… Give the readers what they wanted, I guess? Without going into the details which would have made it very awkard. I thought she handled it very tastefully.
    It makes me laugh, though. Because one of my friends reacted like you. Absolute crack up! Brilliant!

  90. Kayla

    Awww! hehehehe. Aww come on! You have to have a little more input then “awkward.”

  91. Kayla

    P.S. I agree with Brogan. This chapter was handled very well. And my friends reacted like you too, lol.

  92. Jax

    Nice, Kaleb. xDxD

  93. saoirse

    Kalebbbb! I've been waiting for you to read this chapter for like 4 months! Come on man! I'm off to read you're next post, you better have posting something about it there! Still lmao i would have loved to see your face!

  94. jenb

    Kaleb I gotta say I'm a little disappointed. I was looking forward to reading something, not just akward. You have to say SOMETHING. I would have thought you would've at least responded to Edward's reaction in the morning. And what about Bella's reaction to his? Oh well I guess. I love this chapter & I'm glad to see you have Chapter 6 up too.

  95. tina

    I am seriously not surprised…although I had to go back and figure out what happened to chapter 5!!

    Thought you might be just a little uncomfortable!!! But, you have to admit, it could have been a lot worse!!

  96. Jamaica

    lmao lmao, i agree with Heather. i did a double-take when your eyebrow moved, i thought i was seeing things XD
    ikr?? but after coming across tons of missing-scene fanfics in the internet, i was glad SM made it a fade-to-black thing. it wasn't so *awkward* after the initial shock of actually reading it faded.
    but, really, you NEED to write an actual post for this chapter. i can just imagine the lulz when we read it. guess it isn't really a guy thing, though, eh?

  97. Samantha

    hahah! i have to admit i'm a little disappointed but not at all shocked by the length of the post for this specific chapter…i agree with Jamaica…Stephenie did her best to make as least awkward as possible by just ending it. lol
    i really couldn't wait until you go to this chapter and it was probably one of the most anticipated blog posts in the history of the world lol
    but i think we all really wanna hear what you actually think about it (and not just THAT part) give us SOMETHING!!!
    but this post still made me laugh…alot… :)

  98. Monika

    lmao! I feel the same way.

  99. Zari

    I concur.

  100. Poppy

    That Is Why I Dont Want My Mother To Read It. Lol. Bless You! I Think One Word Sums It Up For All Of Us πŸ˜‰

    Poppy. x

  101. ancha85

    Hilarious!! Love the eyebrow!

  102. Katanna

    HAHAH Kaleb wow thats funny!!

  103. KalebNation

    Ha ha ha seriously, I didn't know what else to say here πŸ˜›

  104. KalebNation

    I totally should have filmed me reading this. It was really epic, honestly. You would have laughed endlessly πŸ˜›

  105. reinix

    Say that you will actually write about this chapter somewhere else and only e-mail it to mature audiences πŸ˜€

  106. Nicole

    Come on Kaleb! I've dying for you to get to this book and here you are slacking on the job lol. Stephenie didn't even give us anything she only implied that sex happened…..why wont you comment??? LOL I really wanna here your input. Even so thats hilarious.

  107. Chelsey

    You have to understand right now, I'm extremely tired.

    But when I saw this post I practically rolled off my chair laughing.

    Definetly the best post ever…you should have filmed it.

  108. Natalie

    Oh, wow!! Oh my heck, Kaleb, the hilarity just rolls off of you nonstop!!! I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. Why am I not surprised? That is too funny! No song either? Seems strange. Seriously, for the comment above about the song, seriously listen to the song “Heaven Here” by Dashboard Confessional. Absolutely perfect. Anyway, not important.

    Awkward!! So fantastic! And the “Uh…” statement afterward just made me laugh harder. Simply the cherry on top!

  109. alyssa

    I've got a song… “i'm too sexy”

  110. shortstuff

    noooooooo! i demand a real post!

  111. Kaylabethfrance

    Oh, poor Kaleb! Yeah, I for some reason have always just favored Jacob, so even though this part of the book was amazing, I had wished it was Jacob being described, not Edward. Although, it wasn't painful reading his description. I really don't have a favorite of all the guys in Twilight, but my favorite character period, would have to be Jacob, because I can relate most to Jacob. But I have to say, this was an extremely hilariously hysterical post. (If that made sense, it's like 1:30 A.M.?) Yup. But I would have killed to see your face when you were reading this chapter. ROTFL! on the eyebrow thing, that was perfect. I was sitting in class when I read that chapter and my friend Sid had already read the book, I looked at her and made that exact face when I finished that chapter, and she started busting out laughing and my English teacher was just staring at us totally confused! It was hysterical! You kinda had to be there though. Yup, so I get how you feel. Truly, I do.

  112. devz30


    I cannot believe you just did that.
    A post saying you have nothing to say.

    ROFL xD

  113. Lisle

    Just the look on your face says it all ROFL

  114. animekittenz

    LOL!! xD
    yeah, definitely best post ever!! ha, jk…. o_o (i want my money back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) LOL
    aw, c'mon! you could do better than this, say smth funny ect.
    i was laughing so hard while i was reading that chapter, it's just hilarious!
    i mean, actually it's more funny than awkward
    so you should comment on it!!!
    anyways, luv u!! ^^

  115. Stephanie

    I have to say, I'm not at all surprised about this post. This is probably one of my favorite chapters in the whole series and I wasn't really expecting you to elaborate on it much but that picture along with the big AWKWARD was priceless! Too funny. I really do feel bad for you because Breaking Dawn is probably the most awkward book in the series for a guy to read. One suggestion for a song for this chapter: Your Body is a Wonderland by John Mayer. lol

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  117. ERIKA

    You're really funny Kaleb! But I wonder what you really thought of that chapter…. ^___^ Yeah, Your Body is a Wonderland is a good song for this chapter, or I'll Make Love To You by Boys 2 Men.

  118. Didina

    It's so funny that I wanted to see your reaction to this chapter. I get onto the site and… I bust out laughing.
    Gosh, I wish I could've seen your face!
    You know, I wanted your insight, and this says everything.

    Thanks for making my day! :)

  119. Zack

    A-hem…I'm a guy…Yeah I've read all 4 books…I and a couple of other boys who've read this book (yes, girls are not the only people who read this series!) all feel the same way Kaleb does. I WOULD NEVER POST A REVIEW ON THIS PARTICULAR CHAPTER IF I WAS KALEB!! Don't worry Kaleb…Those boys out there have got your back!
    Yeah, and by the way, I'm 12…

  120. Meghann

    Akward turtle…

  121. Lesley

    Best. Summary. Ever.
    Sometimes the best thing to say is nothing.

  122. Kougie

    Awwwww! You totally should have recorded your reaction!
    I would pre-order 15 of your books and force all of my friends to read them if you would have a video of this! Seriously!

    Anyway, this has to be my favorite post ever. XD

  123. Jessica K.

    Awww. Poor Kaleb. Ha ha.

    I would actually want further insight though.

  124. vivs

    LOL. Ive been waiting for like FOREVER for ur post….and actually im not surprised it wasnt very long. LOL. Dont worry kaleb, we are mature enough to hear atleast SOME insight on it. lol. Oh well. Im still looking foward to other blogs!!


  125. mel.

    lol lol lol lol XD

  126. Michelle

    nice post hehe

  127. E

    Internet: 15 $ per month
    Spinning chair: 40$
    This post: Priceless.


  128. Natty

    i guess i don't blame you.
    i probly wouldn't want to write a review either, i mean, its their HONEYMOON for gosh sakes. XP!
    Very funny anyway!!
    P.S. this is the gnome emote <:)>

  129. Ms.Bea Cullen

    best chapter….

    and super best post!!!!!

    go kaleb go……..

    though my stomach is really aching because of the laughter
    im disappointed that there's no further illumination
    but the others were right
    were all matured enough to this!

    though the scene wasn't elaborated by meyer
    the thought was there…


    : P

    p.s. You could post the eyebrows again…
    beware of the upcoming chapter……


  130. dimitra

    well………yeah! LOL that's really what i thought when i read this chapter! my mouth fall wide open for about 2 minutes!
    and i'm a girl! OMG!
    BEST post ever!
    LOL LOL LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!xD

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  132. Get_at_me_Rob

    Hahaha. It's such a good chapter. What I wouldn't give to go to Isle Esme with Edward. Actually, I think I'd prefer to go there with Rob Pattinson. I'm much more attracted to him. Lol.

  133. babybott330

    Oh, I did want you to film it! I commented that once. However, I did predict beforehand that you would do exactly this: post the AWKWARD picture and leave it at that. You're so funny.

  134. NessieBlack13

    My goodness. That would have been epic. Im laughing so hard just imaging it hahaha…

  135. Hannah_Mathews

    NO, I think you can use “I Wanna Have Sex On The Beach”

  136. Hannah_Mathews

    I think I have a better idea for a song…
    “I Wanna Have Sex On The Beach”
    lmao I always thought that it fit perfectly…

  137. wolfgirlteamjacob

    omg! lol true dat! lol

  138. Amanda :)

    same here! lol

  139. Cheese_montoya

    i like how she's not telling you everything and you are so funny kaleb

  140. Sophsoph11

    heyyyyy sis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love this chap cuz it is akward and you r loooking!!!!!!! poop you

  141. Cheese_montoya

    heyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!! im wasnt looking i was laghing at you lol i loveeeee cheese

  142. Sophsoph11

    how could you be laughing at me spelling awkward wrong when you could not see what i was spelling in the first place!!!!!!!!

  143. Cheese_montoya

    you know what i know where you sleep at night yo

  144. Cheese_montoya

    you know what i know where you sleep at night yo

  145. Anji

    ….it's the 21st century, what's there to feel awkward about? they don't even describe what happens! they just wake up and we assume the deed was done…sure its all grotesquely romantic to you, but things can be learned from this potently girly chapter…at least for dudes, cuz us girls know wassup. πŸ˜›

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  147. Maandacs

    rip off…give me my one dollar back…..

  148. Kyra

    I had the Same reaction!!! XD

  149. Celine

    WHAT? OH NO.

  150. Christian Ford

    lol :)

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