Reading Breaking Dawn: Chapter 6 (Distractions)

The song for this chapter is Sky Fell Over Me by Shiny Toy Guns

[audio:https://twilightguy.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/skyfelloverme.mp3]

People have asked me if I’ve been living under a rock lately, because I didn’t post that newly-released photo of the Wolf Pack. Actually I got the photo, and I have not missed out on Twilight news. I purposely did not post the photo, reason being I didn’t want every time I come to my blog to immediately be exposed to far more… uh… Rustic Werewolf than I think any guy can tolerate. Apologies to the girls (as if you haven’t seen the photo everywhere else already).

However, not one to be left behind in the fansite news, I’ll proceed with posting it posthaste:

I’ve been warned about the fifth and sixth chapters of Breaking Dawn for quite some time. Actually, I haven’t been warned, I’ve been told things like ‘LULZ I can’t WAIT until you get to CHAPTAH FIVE!’. I don’t know what is more awkward: being one-half of a vampire/human honeymoon, or reading about it. As I read the previous chapter, I found myself waiting for that all-important moment when Stephenie writes

DEAR READER:

THE SCREEN FADES TO BLACK HERE SO WE DON’T HAVE TO SEE WHAT’S…UH…COMING NEXT.

IT’S FOR YOUR OWN BENEFIT.

Seriously,

SM.

For some reason, that moment seemed very, very delayed. My AIM conversation with my friend as I read chapters 5 and 6 went something like this:

ME: UH…did that say ALL of Edward’s clothes were on the palm tree…?

FRIEND: YUS.

ME: UH…

FRIEND: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

At which point I really wanted to go read Mrs. Frisbee And The Rats Of NIMH instead.

However, I trekked on as usual — I mean come on, I’m reading a vampire romance novel, and I’ve survived thus far 😀 . Completely disregarding the awkwardness of carrying your new wife in one arm and a ton of luggage in the other, Edward has finally found a place on the planet where Bella might actually be safe from heartbroken werewolves, vengeful vampires and violent Volturi. It is quite a sad state of affairs when the only such place is on an island in the middle of nowhere off the coast of South America. If Bella ends up getting hurt here, good luck to Edward hiding her on the moon.

For some reason, I had not previously known of Edward’s ability to swim without the need for air. But then again, I suppose if you are an immortal creature, drowning wouldn’t affect you. In fact, Edward might be accomplishing this breathless feat by drowning repeatedly, but just not dying since he simply can’t. I mean, if you’re immortal, what is it like getting mortally wounded? Does it become just…wounded?

Like Bella, I shudder at the thought of Alice actually foreseeing this honeymoon. Seriously Alice: rude! I’m also curious about what the local villagers think of this strange house in the woods that is visited only on occasion. I mean, it is altogether odd that at some random time of the year, a strange pale man and a girl show up together out of nowhere, break headboards and tear apart pillows, and expect the local cleaning crew to tidy things up. Also, perhaps I am confused, but is the cleaning crew coming from a nearby place, or did Isle Esme come complete with its own set of villagers automatically trained in the arts of cleaning? If that’s the case, I might be interested in some island real estate…

At least it’s nice to see that Edward and Bella are having a decent time, in spite of their arguments and the mess they’re making. I have a feeling that these recurring dreams of this strange child won’t be disappearing anytime soon for Bella, either 😀

QUESTION FOR THE COMMENTS: What movie do you think Bella and Edward would enjoy watching the most together (and Twilight doesn’t count!)?

——NOTES——

– My brother Jaden announced last week that he will also be with me at Twicon 2009! Be sure to get your tickets early before they run out!

– Summer School In Forks is having a huge call for artwork for their convention! They’re not only looking for Twilight-related art, but anything that is literature or sci-fi related. Check out more info here (I’ll be there in a few months too!).

– I received a deluge of emails insisting I keep people updated on my book, though in deference to those who come here for Twilight only I’ll compromise and keep them short. Today, I just finished some awesome new Bran Hambric widgets, and loads of cool downloads you can use on your site! Check them out at BranFans.com.