(Posted by Kaleb Nation )

What R U Saying: I’m not as stong as emmet (or the jo bros)

April 11th, 2009 at 11:14 pm by Kaleb Nation

Due to a recent influx of messages from your typical village idiot, I’ve decided to put my hatemail to good use and entertain my readers with it. I receive so much hilarious hate that I can no longer keep it for my own selfish amusement. Feel free to attempt counting and/or translating each of the mistakes:

ok ur making us girls look brainded if their were swimsuit models in the book and you guys went around talking about it do u think we would make a sight about it no we would just let u guys look like the brainded morons everybody knows u are and if u really want to know why this is probably happening to

u is because your not as mysterious and hot as

edward not as stong as emmet not as amazingly sexxy as jasper or not as adventurous funny or drop dead gorgeous as jacob so there u have ur anserw and no matter what u think i’m telling u the truth and i’m not being mean either because if u want to see me be mean just ask

I can’t resist posting this one either:

twilight sux u immatture dumb**z

jon ass brothers 4 evar!

Oh pincushions: I’ve really been pwnd this time.

Posted in Hatemail

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204 Responses

  1. Rakey

    Lol! The Jon Ass brothers! Priceless!

  2. Fruit

    Wow is simply all I have to say.

  3. MsKittyCullen


    ”Jon ass”


    Keep them coming XD


  4. Carmen

    haha Do these people speak English? I really don’t know what the first person is even talking about.

  5. Josie

    haha wow!!

  6. Maddenman


  7. Sarah

    That made my night, or is it day? Jon Ass brothers FTW!

  8. sarah

    the question, “how stupid are you?” comes to mind.

  9. ChanΓ©e

    Whoa. WHOA. WHOA!!! That was just painful to attempt to decipher that nonsense. Wow…

  10. Brittney

    i had to read the first one three times just to get what it was saying, no wonder that hate twilight, they cant even read it

  11. JessieLynn{JL}

    Lol! My, the pwnage is killing me here! XD

    I’m assuming that the first girl meant, “Brain dead.” The Jonas Bros reference made me laugh probably the most, oh, and the girl saying that you weren’t like any of the main guys in Twilight. Gotta love haters!

    Have a wonderful Easter Kaleb!!!

  12. donniemangino[eyeofsauron]

    I was wondering what the second one was bleeping out, and then I realized she bleeped out the misspelled word, “ass”.

  13. Karla

    I loved the Jon Ass Brothers thing!
    I don’t understand the first one
    Someone should translate

  14. Reyna

    darn. you’ve been pwnd.

  15. Catie S

    Do people not read what they write?

  16. crystal

    They are so entertaining! I wish they can put some commas and fullstops here and there at least, so it’s easier to read. I wonder how much they are understanding when they read the books?

  17. Aria

    *robotic voice* Deciphering impossible!!!

    seriously, I can’t even tell what that girl in complaining about. Seriously, I’m at a complete loss.

    As for the second one, very impactive statement. My life has been changed forever… (not)

  18. Cyn

    Uh… the first girl isn’t brain dead herself, is she?

    lmao. immature? really?
    & “jon ass” πŸ˜›

    hypocrites are really funny. xD
    you should post more. i hart celeb hate mail. <3

  19. Cyn

    Sorry for commenting/spamming again… but I think I deciphered the first message for everyone to read. But even with all the grammatical errors fixed, she’s still rambling on about who knows what. Here you go:

    Okay, you’re making us girls look brain dead. If there were swimsuit models in a magazine and you guys went around talking about it, do you think we would make a website about it? No. We would just let you guys look like brain dead morons. Everybody knows you are. If you really want to know why this is happening to you, it’s because you’re not as mysterious and hot as Edward, not as strong as Emmett, not as amazingly sexy as Jasper, or not as adventurous, funny, or drop dead gorgeous as Jacob. So there, you have your answer. And no matter what you think, I’m telling you the truth. I’m not being mean either because if you want to see me be mean, just ask.

  20. Catherine

    ‘ok, can you please be mean to me?’… i got the same thing as the poster above ^^ and jon ass brothers actually made me laugh out loud! Happy Easter everyone πŸ˜€

  21. Meghan

    wow people need to learn the basics about how to write a coherent sentence

  22. Erin

    These made me laugh for abot ten minutes straight. Please keep posting these messages. You may not be as “stong as emmet” but I think you cooler than the “jon ass brothers” =)

  23. Steph

    Oh my gosh… I spent somewhere about 5 minutes trying to decipher that first one. Please, ask them to be mean. For me?

    And the second one was just… ridiculously funny. Who in their right mind would choose the Jonas Brothers over Twilight? Hm, supposedly “hot” teenagers with surprisingly feminine voices, or some entertaining, good quality literature? That is a tough one.

  24. Michelle


    Brainded. Even I will admit that on occasions, spell check is seriously my friend. I guess some people just don’t know how to implement such a tool. Geesh…

    Don’t worry Kaleb. I still think you’re as mysterious as Edward, strong as Emmett, sexy as Jasper, and adventurous as Jacob. :blush:

    Also, I’ve apparently purchased the wrong copy of Twilight. I wasn’t aware that it comes in a child-size picture book version. I think somebody’s boyfriend just broke up with her. LoL

  25. Bethany

    Gah…the English language has been officially screwed over. My elementary school teacher head has now been blown to bits by the severity of the spelling and grammar crisis…

    As to the “jon ass brothers”, well, I personally like them…but that was hilarious!

    Keep up the good work Caleb. There are many more of us who enjoy it than there are who don’t. :)

  26. Alysha

    I am so glad that girl at least explained ‘why this is happening to you’. Seriously, what is happening to you besides her making your brain hurt?

  27. Nicole

    Well they sure told you.

    “Brainded.” Hahahhahaaa! πŸ˜€

  28. Michelle

    Bethany: TYPO!! It’s Kaleb. LoL!! πŸ˜‰

    Is this something like that Caleb Newton incident? Haha.

  29. Brogan

    What the!? I can’t even get my head around what the first one is saying?? What!? Does it make any sense? Craaaziness!

    My head hurts.

  30. spangiepantz

    LOL man those haters need to chillax.. and maybe stop typing using the pole up their butts?
    and i really can’t see how some people find Twilight immature, especially when they like the “Jon Ass bros”, who are probably the ultimate idols of immature, squealing teenyboppers everywhere? (no offence to the jobros).
    can’t say i’ve seen grown women worshipping them. lol.

    That being said, love the site and your highly entertaining posts about the twilight book series Kaleb! :) keep rocking πŸ˜€

  31. Chelsey

    That’s…beyond words. Wow. *Wow.* I think all the great writers of the last four centuries are rolling over in their graves at the blatant butchering the language they had a great part in creating just got.

    However, it is VERY funny. Jon Ass Brothers… Wonder if they’re a fan?

  32. Leah

    Wow.. that’s kind of sad.

    Hahahaha I love the second one.
    Kaleb you are just soooo “immatture” XD


  33. twicrazy

    hahahaha. my eyes hurt just trying to figure out the first one…

    its as if GJ took a page from Victoria’s book and made his own army of haters.

  34. shortstuff

    lol WTF? i don’t envy you kaleb.. πŸ˜›

  35. Snow Wight

    *fights to retain use of brain cells after that one* Golly!

  36. Emma

    Did the first hate mail person ever hear of commas, punctuation, and grammar?

    I can’t stop laughing at the 2nd one w/ the “jon ass brothers 4 evar” hahaha

  37. Melanie

    What hath text messaging wrought?

  38. Sia

    Excuse me Jonas fan you need to stick to your lame cheesy bands site and not come on here and bother Kaleb WHAT A BUNCH OF HATERS !
    I thought some of the Twilight fans had bad grammar but boy I was wrong the Jonas brothers kicked our butt in that lmao.

  39. Marionn.

    OMG. And I thought my English sucked xd Lol.
    I don’t even know what the first one was talking about, and the second one with the Jon ass brothers xd
    So funny!
    Happy Easter :)

  40. Pragya

    OMG!!! that was EPIC!!! “Jon Ass brothers”……..ha priceless!!! man that was so awesome……..is pent abt 4-5 mins deciphering that first 1……….i really would like to see that person being mean!!!

  41. Pragya


  42. Carol


    Whoa. I tried to read the first one without stopping to take a breath, I think I almost fainted. LOL @ the second one, I think I’ll just call them that from now on. That’s what you get “Jon ass” fans, for being so darn smart.

  43. Ms. Paranoia


    The first one belongs in Pandora’s Box of Grammar lol

    And I love the Jon Ass reference~
    Ah yes, Jon Ass FTW

    Well at least you know we all love you =]
    .. The literate ones, anyway

  44. Kash

    Omg, that was HILARIOUS! such morons ..

  45. Icy Topaz

    What the heck is the first one even talking about? She’s just ranting about how you think girls are brain dead (I personally haven’t heard a word from you regarding that) and how you’ll never be an awesome vampire or a werewolf. BUT WHAT THE HECK IS SHE DRIVING AT? That was the most pointless jumble of brutally murdered words I have ever seen, and I’ve seen a lot. Excuse me while I mourn them, poor brave souls… This is what happens when you let idiots learn how to read and write a little.

  46. Meg

    Oh my goodness…do this people know English?

    But the Jon Ass brothers 4 evar was HILARIOUS looooooool
    Happy Easter Kaleb!! (or should I say “Caleb Newton”?-from your brother’s vlog).

  47. devz30

    omg haha, i don’t think ‘brainded’ is a word..i got really lost in the first part.

  48. Kato

    Omg. hahaha πŸ˜€ That made my day ,
    ‘jon ass’ LOL.

  49. Caroline

    whatttt?? hahaha who do these people think you’re trying to be and what do they think you’re trying to do? hahaha pretty funny though.

  50. Chris

    That was probably the funniest thing I’ve read in a while. I can’t understand people who don’t spell check. Most internet browsers do it for you too!

    btw love the “jon ass brothers” hahaha!


  51. Ellen

    XD They got PWNED.

  52. Joyce

    Wow lol, they seriously need to learn how to read and write properly.. it took me a little bit of time to understand what the fuck they were typing. amusing though, very.

    and i have to agree with all of you
    LOL @ “jon ass”

  53. Sabrina

    *mouth drops open* WTF? Who sits around thinking this **** up? What they really need is to learn some English, but that’s besides the point. To go out of their way to be cruel, is just disgusting. If someone’s not a fan then don’t exert the energy to criticize.
    I’m sorry you have to deal with nonsense like this and glad that you are able to laugh it off. I admit that their grammar was comical (jon ass brothers, anyone???), the rest just ticks me off.
    On a happier note…
    Happy Easter, Kaleb!

  54. MidnightMelody

    Brilliant! ROTFL
    English is not my first language, but even I spell better than that! Seriously…

  55. KountessKoRnGiRl

    Ok… wow. After typing for 5 hours straight, and it being three in the morning I STILL wouldn’t be able to be that much of an idiot while typing. I guess it takes real TALENT eh?
    I’m really loving the “Jon Ass” for the simple reason that that is ALWAYS how I have written their name especially around my friends just because I absolutely HATE them. LOL no offense.

  56. Shannen

    You should definitely ask the first one to be mean and she what he/she says.
    Anyway, Happy Easter!

  57. Rachel M.

    That’s…that’s a couple cases of EPIC FAILURE. :)
    After the “typical idiot village,” you’d think people would learn to at least spell-check their hate mail. I guess that haters have completely ruled out legible writing.
    And the “Jon Ass Brothers” was amazing. Actual LOL for that one.
    Happy Easter Kaleb and the rest of the Twilight world!

  58. Lauren/TurqoisePenguin

    Kaleb, if you ask me, you’re BETTER than any of the vampires and werewolves.


    Because you’re not fictional, of course.

  59. Catherine

    Oh, PWND! πŸ˜‰

  60. Jess

    well. that told you Kaleb! lol
    Happy Easter everybody!!

  61. Orla

    “Oh pincushions: I’ve really been pwnd this time”
    haha that was hilarious πŸ˜›

  62. Janna

    Haha! that’s hilarious!

  63. Lyn

    OH man OH man!!! Just made my day!! HAPPY EASTER

  64. Sakura

    took me a while to decipher the first one… WOW, was the second one pro or against Jo bros? I mean “Jon Ass”? Either s/he really can’t spell or s/he is also making fun of them…

    It’s amusing how these people try to write a hate mail but can’t spell for the life of them.

    Thanks for the laughs Kaleb πŸ˜€

  65. Matt Urdan

    lmao….it doesn’t take much to work people up these days, does it? And usually it’s over very non-consequential stuff. Too bad these people sending you hate mail aren’t following what their elected government representatives are doing.


  66. Danielle R

    HAHAHAHA thnx kaleb that was great! The girl calling you brain dead obviously has some issues too cause she can’t even spell that.

    Jon Ass. enough said HAHA

  67. meg

    To the writer of the first letter: No, i don’t think he is the one making you look “Brainded”. You’re doing a pretty good job on your own of that.

  68. Michelle C.

    Lol. Yeah, hate letters are awesome. Amazingly funny when people take this ‘Twilight’ too personally.

  69. Kari

    haha stong and jon ass priceless!!! u should make this a weekly thing kaleb. post ur funniest hatemail like every friday or something. its hilarious!!!

  70. Krista

    I LOVE THIS. Kaleb, you are SO awesome. LOL at “if u want to see me be mean just ask.”

    Honestly though, aren’t most internet acronyms kind of uncool now? Obviously these people have no clue what they’re talking about though, so I can’t really say anything.

    I would love to see more of these. It’s especially funny when people are trying to be taken seriously. πŸ˜€

  71. mk

    i am most definitely brainded after trying to form coherant thoughts out of these letters. and poor kaleb, pwned by the jon ass brothers…:( im sure the first girl could offer some counselling on how to fix this?
    have to love haters :)

  72. edwella cullen

    xDD yes. i really do love the ‘jon ass brothers’ 4 ‘evar’ lmaooo
    this really brightened my day, kaleb. happy easter!

  73. Becca Shmeka

    What the french toast?

    How can people that illiterate still be able to read?

    Oh. Em. Gee. It’s called spell check, and uh … what’s that word? GRAMMAR.

    No wonder US schools are failing.

  74. hakeberevol

    Wow, That first girl (or was it a guy???) really needs to learn some English. This is what happens when people start obsessively texting. They can’t communicate like normal human beings.

    These were almost as funny as the ones posted on your other site.

    “JON ASS BRO 4evr nd u al suk egz.” lol. It takes a lot of effort to be that illiterate!

  75. Mels

    Wow these people have no life, that actually take the time to write “essays” on how much they dislike you
    He or she should learn some manners

    And as for the second one, there one to talk jonas brothers forever and spelling sucks like sux how immature is that

    There all idiots and i find it completely hilarious

    love u kaleb

  76. Renesmee{PANTS}

    erm, is it possible to type and spell THAT badly!?! sheesh, i feel that you should make a separate page for all of the crap arse hate mail. a page like that is a big hit on MuggleNet.

  77. Rita

    Adjectives fail me.

  78. Melissa

    WOW! If you are going to waste your time sending and email to someone about how you don’t like them, for the love of all things sane, please take the time to use real English and read over what you say.

    Like many people, I could not for the life of me figure out what the first person was saying! Thanks to the person to decoded – I definitely wasn’t realizing brainded = brain dead. WOW! How does Kaleb make us all look brain dead? And what exactly is happening to him that he is wondering about? Although I’m glad she told us WHY it happening. OH BOY!

    Seriously, if you don’t like someone, why bother wasting time sending them an email about it. Just don’t come back to the site anymore and let the rest of us continue to enjoy it.

    We love Kaleb and TwilightGuy.com

  79. Heather

    (while trying to control my hysterical laughing)
    don’t … worry … Kaleb.
    everybody else … still … loves … you.
    (even more so, now!)

  80. Cynthia

    Even I can write better hate mail, and I love you&this site, Kaleb. LOL.

  81. Meghan

    HAHAHA! That is soo hilarious. I don’t even understand what the first is trying to say! That was certainly entertaining to say the least.
    Silly haters, lol
    Love ya Kaleb!

  82. frankie


    If they want to claim that someone is brain dead, maybe they should actually learn how to spell and maybe stop failing basic Emglish.


    Oh it hurts to laugh that hard. HEHE.

  83. Jeanna

    Wow is all I have to say.
    And that they should try using proper grammar/sentence structure!
    <3 ya Kaleb!

  84. Talkerwolf

    That has made my day, so funny XD Thanx for posting them, I dont even get what the first one was going on about ….

  85. Heather

    Brainded? Does she mean branded?

    No, that still doesn’t make sense.

    And I have to agree, the jon ASS brothers are great *rolls eyes*

  86. mary

    thats ridiculous! jonass? wth!?

  87. Kristen C

    hahaha! luv it! πŸ˜€

  88. Caity

    I’m embarrassed to share the same species as these guys. DON’T LISTEN TO THEM KALEB! ;-D

  89. dsolo

    Thanks for all the people who translated brianded. I was actually wondering if she has actually read your site, or only the part where you say you’re not officially a fan. Obviously, you do not think that we are brain dead, or you would not give us such thoughtful and funny commentary on the chapters. Speaking of which, I hope you’re going to be able to post the next chapter soon. I’m becoming brain dead without your unique commentary. I mean “i brianded u r no rite revu braking dwan.”

  90. Team Switzerland

    Oh wow. I seriously don’t understand how people can type that badly. I would have to TRY to type something as confusing as that. I have no idea what the first person was trying to say. I personally like the Jonas Brothers, but I still laughed my head off at the second person. I’m still trying to figure out if they’re fans or not though…

  91. Emilie

    I’m so proud of myself, english is not even my mother tongue and I managed to translate those messages. (for all the good it did me… O_o)
    Now I’m left wondering how someone can write such nonsense… I mean, can’t you even read over what you write? And please, if you don’t like Twilight, what ARE you doing on this website? Strange people writing strange things…

  92. Samie

    hahaha takes all kinds lol.. pll got nothing better to do then complain. lmao. and also make no sence… jon ass brothers!

  93. Georgia




  94. Lauren

    I’m confused about the whole “swimsuit model” thing. It doesn’t make sense. What does it have to do with men reading twilight and making a website?

  95. lucy

    Haha!!! What english class did they take? And how is swimsuit modeling or the Jonas Brothers relevant to this?

  96. Lily

    Sooooo…. evidently I missed the part of the site where you make girls who like Twilight look “brainded.” I’m forced to agree with whoever said that the first letter was written by someone going through a bad break up… I hope she feels better now that she’s SEVERELY confused everyone else and has, apparently, put you in your place over Twilight. Cheers!

  97. Beth

    Hey,did you guys know that those supposed “interviews” the Jonas Brothers have with supposed “fans” are completely staged? The “fans” are paid actors,who have lines fed to them. My brother was in one of those things recently.

    ANYWAY, what’s with the swimsuit models? Doesn’t make any sense to me. Seriously, I have to put conscious effort into typing that badly. Both of those e-mails were made up of about 2% sense,50% ignorance, and 48% words that cannot be understood completely by normal human beings, equating to 100% horrid typing and use of vocabulary. typing.

  98. Beth

    *chucks hammer at extra “typing.” on earlier comment*

  99. katey

    I mean, really people! Who actually taks lik dis? Not the “jon ass” brothers. I mean, after this I am feeling a bit “brainded” myself.



  100. aria

    LOL OME that is hilarious ^_^ I really can’t even understand the first one. WOW :)

  101. Zari

    Haha. This is great! I love the hate mail! Keep it coming Kaleb!

    By the by, can I have Twilight and the Jon Ass Brothers? πŸ˜€

  102. Wendy

    That was funny. XD

  103. Chelsea

    Jon Ass? Oh, that’s hilarious.

  104. Victoria

    Wow! Some people really need to retake their English classes! They made no sense what-so-ever!!

  105. Autumn

    Wow, hate mailers have little typing ability. Anybody who writes like this must not be able to unstand the very literate posts on this site. No wonder they hate you! :-)

  106. Autumn

    Sorry, I meant understand.

  107. Janelle

    I truly do not understand the first one. Mind blown.

  108. Saumia

    HAHAHA…….. I don’t even know what the first girl was talking about.

  109. Meghan

    What is the first girl even talking about? Punctuation is a good thing!

  110. Sara

    OMG What the heck, i’cant even understand what was the first one all about, i just could laugh, and the jon ass bros thing, jajajaja.

    I mean seriously. (And english isn’t my mother language, so figure it out)

    Think that girl was quite in a hurry that she even use her spell check or she was crying because someone left her, who knows

  111. Janelle

    All I can say is WOW.

    jon ass brothers? Was that sarcastic or did she honestly spell it wrong?

    I can’t even understand what the first girl is talking about? Where did the swimsuit models come from? lol.

    And I fail to understand why people bother to write these anyway. Are they emails or actual mail?

  112. pink

    Lol, some people…

    Well, their the ones with problemes.

    You rock Kaleb!

  113. Janelle

    Whoa there are 2 Janelles!

    *waves at other Janelle*

  114. Kylie

    Kaleb, I’m dying here!!!!!!!!!!!!
    You’re my hero for posting these!!!!!!

  115. Genevieve

    Thanks Kaleb…my day needed making :)

  116. Jacki

    Just simply LOL! [x

  117. Codi

    Haha! Who knew hatemail could make a person’s day?

  118. Laura

    “brainded?” FAIL.

  119. Hallie

    hahaha thnks so much 4 posting that! the 1st person is an idiot! what is she even saying!?!?!

    the second person is definatley right though

    jon ASS

    hahahaha thnks again Kaleb! πŸ˜€

  120. becky sue

    O.K. You are making girls look brain-dead. If there were swimsuit models in the book and you guys went around talking about it do you think we would make a sight about it? No, we would just let you guys look like the brain-dead morons everybody knows u are. And if you really want to know why this is probably happening to
    you, it’s because you’re not as mysterious and hot as
    Edward, not as stong as Emmett, not as amazingly sexy as Jasper, and not as adventurous, funny, or drop dead gorgeous as Jacob. So there. You have your answer, and no matter what you think, I’m telling you the truth and I’m not being mean either. If you want to see me be mean, just ask.

    Woah, that was tough, and I doubt I even fixed all the mistakes. And even with my touch-ups, it’s basically impossible to decipher.

  121. Johanna

    Ok, I agree that it was horribly written, but keep in mind that it may be foreigners. Not everyone is from a english speaking country (even if you guys like to think that)
    I’d like to see you try writing french, if you’re not used to it.

    But if they were english speaking people, then they’re pretty dumb***z

  122. Vanessa

    Wow… the only thing i could do was laugh and laugh… hilarious.

    jon ass…. lol

  123. missppokerface

    jon ass! lol! u shud post all the hatemail u get, cuz its hillarious!

  124. Anna

    Oh WOW! I can’t even understand the first message and the person who wrote the second one needs to find a better argument!
    LOL this is hilarious!

  125. Sterling Snow

    This is so funny, hatemail should become a regular feature.

    I cannot for the life of me figure out what the significance of the swimsuit model thing was in the first letter.

    And of course all of us Twilight fans are brainded cuz we dont lkie the jon Ass brohters. XD

  126. Amelia

    OK I agree with everyone so far the first person doesn’t know what they are talking about, and they can’t spell. What do swimsuit models have to do with anything? And all females are brain dead because Kaleb Nation supposedly said that in his posts. Kaleb you are truly awesome and we all love you even though some of us won’t admit it. The second post was just plain weird why do we have to put the Jonas Brothers in this anyways. I have to admit that i was laughing so hard that i had to stop myself from hyperventilating i mean “Jon Ass Bros” really.
    People really do need to retake their English classes. OH what has happened to education systems.

    Kaleb we all love you. I am glad that you can write in perfect English (unlike some people snort)
    on a happy note Happy Easter and a new year oh wait that is XMas.
    From, a very sarcastic 13 year old Amelia

  127. Meghann

    Oh good golly that was horrible. I was cringing before I even started to read the “Hate” mail. Thank you Cyn for your translation but I still don’t understand the point the first person is trying to make. And as for the second one, I have no idea how the “Jon ass” brothers tie into Twilight….Are these people trying to make fools of themselves???

  128. Poppy

    urghh I Hate People Who Say Twilight Sucks, Some Of My Friends Used To Say It But They Hadnt Even Seen It Or Read It.

    So I Got Them To Watch The Movie And Then They All Wanted To Read The Books πŸ˜€ I Conveted Them. Hehe. Now For The Boys!

    Hate Mail Just MNeans That You Have Finally Got Enough Fans That People Get Jealous.

    Instead Of Hate Mail You Should Put Jealous Mail. Lol :L

    The Boys In My School Are Just Jealous Cause They Are Know Way Near As Fit As The Cullens Or The Werewolfs. :p

    Poppy xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  129. Karin

    I don’t get it, either!
    My English epic failed….

  130. Poppy

    Ohhh And can i ask something to all you twilighters…* sorry its random* .

    Did you guys see Stephenie in the film! Im sure its her. But i was like OMR Stephenie Is In The Movie That Totally Rocks!

    Okay Sorry For Changing Subject As You Were. Lol.

    Cya, Again,
    Poppy xxxxx

  131. Stephanie K.

    lol Thank you for the translation. I had to sit there and read the one from the girl (or was it a girl…?) word by word.

    Ameila, I completely agree with you! Perhaps their teachers were tired of their attitudes and passed them. lol Sometimes I think that’s the only reason I get through math. Honestly, I’m not a terribly mean person, but when someone (AKA, math teachers) messes with me, I tend to get a little… umm… upset.

    With that, Happy Easter! =] And may math DIE! =] Now isn’t that a happy note? =]

  132. Bella

    wow is all I have to say.. lol
    Happy Easter Kaleb!!!

  133. Blondie

    HAHAHA oh my god that was priceless!!!
    was that even english? why do people get all worked up about things like this. tehy should just go on living their lives, dude. to all ahters: NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU THINK

  134. McKenna

    Seriously, if you are going to try and be rude, insulting, and make a point you have to at least make sense! And have perfect grammar to even be respected… And not to sound like a broken record of all these comments, but I love it-Jon ass.

  135. Amelia

    HAHAHAHA πŸ˜€ Math Should die. Sorry I know that was random. People actually agree with my opinions thats funny no one ever agrees with a sarcastic person.( Or do they? hmmmm) Oh one more thing that i forgot to write earlier: What does this have to do with anything “u is because your not as mysterious and hot as

    edward not as stong as emmet not as amazingly sexxy as jasper or not as adventurous funny or drop dead gorgeous as jacob”
    i mean really what does it have to do with anything. Did Kaleb post something that made it seem like he thought of him self that way. If he did i must have missed it.

    Again your sarcastic 13 year old,

  136. Becky

    “jon ass” brothers! omg, epic!
    I don’t know who should be more insulted: you, the Jonas Brothers, or anyone unlucky enough to be named Jon Ass…

    and for the record I really do think that if Twilight was about swimsuit models than we would indeed er, let you be the brainded morons you are, Kaleb. Because apparently you have so much awesome that you need to be plural? Or something?

  137. Becky

    alright now seriously though- its not their fault, they were obviously dazzled to the point of grammer-failitude by Kaleb’s awesomeness (to the point of you needing to be refered to in the plural tense)

  138. alexia

    ok i sort of agree with the first mail
    ‘your not as mysterious and hot as edward not as stong as emmet not as amazingly sexxy as jasper or not as adventurous funny or drop dead gorgeous as jacob’ but who is..
    and you never said you were.. not than i can recall.. you’re just reading the books and talking about it.. what is that girl ranting about??!?

  139. Meghan

    Wow. That was absolutely delightful :) And don’t worry, Kaleb. You are much more wonderful than the Jonas Brothers and the Cullens :) The Cullens aren’t real…and the Jonas Brothers aren’t very entertaining.

  140. Tori

    no one could possibly no what the girl is ranting about!! none of it makes even the slightest bit sense! and the second one..thats just odd..if they liked the jonas brothers so much y did they call them the jon ass brothers??? i dont understand..!

  141. D.K. Night

    Wow…. They are dumb lol…. But I agree that Jones brothers one was priceless!! Wow, the first one wasn’t even hardly making complete sentences! It sounded like she was high or something! Lolz!

  142. Kim

    Wow, I could feel my brain melting out of my ears reading the first one. I mean, “brainded”, other various spellings of words and punctuation anyone? It doesn’t take that much longer to write “you” instead of u. Seriously, but the second one is hysterical. πŸ˜€

    Can we say EPIC FAIL?

  143. NancyB

    Just when you think you have seen the epitome of stupid, someone pushes them aside. You rock!

  144. Meghan

    Oh and I have a question. Why do people write hate mail? Especially to such amazing people (like Kaleb)? :)

    Seriously, if you’re going to insult someone, you should probably try to sound the least bit educated or have a good insulting remark, instead of using horrid grammar and writing something riddled with spelling mistakes. Those people made themselves look like dorks. Hehe πŸ˜‰

    Those were painful for me to read, really. I’m an English freak…so spelling mistakes and whatnot really bother me (and just for saying that, I probably spelled something wrong without realizing it. Oh well…it’s just a comment. I don’t really pay attention to my spelling on places like this).

  145. Tori

    i bet the people who sent him those feel really stupid now. well if they see it was posted and how many people are making fun of them that is. πŸ˜€

  146. Britt.

    Oh good heavens…I’m not even going to TRY to translate that; my brain might just atrophy if I do! As it is, my poor brain is scarred for life just trying to read it.

    I wonder if they realize how foolish they look…probably not.


  147. Priscilla

    oh my god. this grammar is horrible.

  148. Sarziee

    LMFAOOOOO. the person who wrote the second hate mail thing just made them self look retarded. ohh the irony HAHAHA

  149. Delacy

    Wow…it took a couple of minutes to realize that brainded was brain dead, and not some new verb that the person was trying to make up.

    Oh, and btw: I <3 the Jon Ass Brothers. πŸ˜€

  150. Stacya

    Hahaaaaa I love this. Please keep em coming! What is that first one talking about? I don’t get it at all. I did understand it better after reading the one commenter’s translation. Jon ass might be the greatest thing I’ve ever heard. That made my day.

  151. Jennyluxx

    oh wow lmao “jon ass bros?”

    niice! totally made my night!! =D

  152. MinisculeRaindropOfSilence

    Keep them coming Kaleb πŸ˜€ I love how there’s absolutely NO punctuation in the first one so the sentences all kinda run together like the person was “brainDED” or drunk when they wrote it XD

  153. Susan

    Please, please post more of these! Hahhahaha.

  154. Miajane

    Speaking of ‘brainded’…

  155. Yoko

    Hahahaha…. Oh Kaleb, it’s posts like this that makes you one of my favorites.

  156. Ms.B

    Wow! That was ridiculous…and hilarious. I’m surprised you even bother reading hate mail, there again, when you need a good laugh…

    Actually, I’m wondering if it wasn’t “brain dead” but possibly “branded” that she/he was trying to say….maybe something about labeling or stereotypes? It would help if it had some context!! What is she responding to so passionately and impatiently! Someone call Henry Higgins of writing and composition please!
    Sounds like SHE is half brain-dead!!! just some angry little girl who grew up with a cell phone in her hand texting her mother what she wanted for lunch.

    Keep up the great notes, I’m glad you are finally getting around to Breaking Dawn! tic toc tic toc….

  157. Jason

    Wow, sorry about the hate mail there. People are ridiculous.

    Luckily enough I am not as big as you to get hate mail πŸ˜‰

    At least it is something to get a laugh out of!

    Keep up the good work Kaleb.

  158. vesper

    those made my day. Who can actually write likie that? do they know english? I am strangely disturbed by the fact that there are people that think that works when comunicating…
    well keep them coming.


  159. Maria

    HAHA!!! LOL! CAN’T STOP LAUGHING KALEB!! that was so funny! You should totally post more, PLEASE!!!! πŸ˜€

  160. ~Tina

    A wise man named Albert Einstein once said, “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the the universe.”
    Keep ’em comin’ Kaleb!

  161. Suzie-Q

    Thank you for publishing the hate mails. They make me feel better about being me. It’s like a big hug. Thank you!

  162. Krista

    Hmmm. Can you ask her to be mean?

  163. steph


    oh and i love twilight AND the “jon ass” brothers. it’s JONAS foo’!! πŸ˜›

    ahaha kaleb marry me please :)

  164. Amelia

    I wonder what the first person’s definition of mean is? hmmmmmm that would be interesting to find out. Kaleb bring more HATEMAIL it is very interesting… and hilarious.

    Captain sarcastic

  165. Ciara

    i don’t get it.
    i just don’t get it.
    what the hell was the first girl even Saying?!?!

  166. Wendilynn


    I love the first one. “Brainded” for brain dead, I think and then I love how she compares you to the looks of the male characters, hopefully from the movie … Because if she is pulling that from the look descriptions in the book….what?!!!

    And the second one is just hysterical.

    It cracks me up that in these examples you give us the writer assumes your trying to set yourself up as some guru or god of twilight. Wow, Kaleb, how have you hidden your overweaning self-importance from us your regular readers for so long that only the illiterate could spot it? πŸ˜‰

  167. Dara

    How can someone possibly write something as idiotic as that?!? It takes my BEST effort not to double-check my posts like 5 times! All you have to do is press the button in the web toolbar and it fixes it for you!

    And even the English translation of that first one doesn’t make sense! What do swimsuit models have to do with anything?

    You should make a Wall of Shame like Mugglenet.com! I can spend hours just laughing crazily at the dumb things people post. Yours would be the most hilarious thing ever and would totally pwn Mugglenet’s!

  168. Carmina

    It’s very entertaining!!
    That’s completely ridiculous!!
    That made me laugh seriously!!
    I like your Hatemail!!

  169. Linnee

    heh. THAT WAS ME!
    lol im just kidding <3
    i love you too much keleb,
    and the “jon ass brothers” sucks anyways πŸ˜€

  170. Alisha

    My 3-year-old speaks better English than that…Wow…I am speechless. I just want to say thank you for the laugh. It sounds like we would all like to read more hilarious hate mail. And, I don’t see the ‘jon ass’ brothers with the kind of devoted fans of all ages that Twilight has.

  171. Imani

    Hello Kaleb,
    Si I don’t know if you’re reading this, but what happened to the hatmail from the guy who wrote in all caps? I wanted to show them to my friend but couldn’t find them. You should put them in this category. Bye now,

  172. Imani

    By the way I ment ‘So’ not ‘Si’. My bad

  173. Hera

    “Jon Ass”
    The 1st person might be brain dead herself :/

  174. Callie

    Haha i have no idea what the first person is trying to say i gave up trying to decipher it after my fourth time reading it.

    “Jon Ass brothers” haha that may my day a lot brighter after reading it haha!!

  175. meghan

    apperently the first person is brain dead…she was compairing to fictional characters…even tho they r all wut she explained, compairing u to guys in books is mental XD

    and the jonas bros suck!!!

  176. Dessie Mac

    The Jo Bros are gay. Just sayin.

  177. o_0~MeGaN~FaYe~0_o

    It took me a second to figure out she was trying to say ‘brain dead’ and not ‘branded’ lol. :) Dumb people make me laugh.

  178. Micaela

    I find your website insightful and that chic has some issues.

  179. erica-major rob lover!!

    ohh man!!!! is all i have to say to that.
    i had to seriously read that first one over about 6 times to get a little of what the heck they were talking about. bahahaha is that girl brain dead herself?

    “jon ass brothers” wow thats some funny stuff!!
    the real qustion is…is she a fan of the jon ass brothers? haha

    dont worry about them kaleb. they are the ones who are seriously brain dead themselves for loving the joe bros over twilight. love yeah kaleb!!

  180. Beth V

    Is that first one even written in English?

  181. Lea

    I could hire a professional translator, and he wouldn’t be able to read the first one.

    And the second one? Well, I’m kind of a jonas brothers fan myself. But the jon ass brothers? I don’t know, man, I don’t know.

    Thank you for so graciously sharing those messages. Hahahahahahahaha, that was great.

  182. Jenelle

    I love the jon ass brothers they're particularly assy
    I don't see the point in the hate mail
    It's not like you're going to suddenly say

  183. Jennifer

    LMAO, that's so sad. Don't worry, we heart you kaleb! The Jonas Brothers SUCK. You're way better than them in every single way (:

  184. Nightmare and Dream

    I don't even understand the first mail xD~
    JoBros WTF?! Twilight is thousand times better! Even the JoBros want to be on the new moon soundtrack…(I'll kill them if they are on the soundtrack)

  185. Claudia

    Omg this is too funny Jon Ass brothers wow!!! Even a non English speaking fans should know how to spell their supposedly favorite band's name LOL

    Plz keep these coming they're too funny!!!!

  186. suzanne k

    Is the first one from a Jonas Brothers fan? 'Cause they pretty much just insulted them by calling them the 'jon ass brothers' XD And the whole 'twilight sucks' 'insult' is SO old by now. I mean, if you're going to insult something, at least do it INTELLIGENTLY is all we ask! Of course, this reminds me of a group of girls who came up to me and my friends, and asked us to tell them a really big word to confuse one of their other friends. 'Simultaneous' was apparently a very long, very confusing word.
    If I knew these people, I'd disown them. Or else teach them grammer and spelling skills.

  187. Gianna

    omg thats so funny that people are actually that stupid!!!!!omg just…….wow.dang those were hilarious!!!!!!lol

  188. Lucille

    Jon ass brothers.., I fell like he or she is insulting the Brothers more than Twilight…,
    I just cant believe people can be this stupid….

  189. Amber

    Oh I needed a pick me up..
    and that really made my day!

  190. NuttyNetty

    LOL XD i loves this hate mail…. man now i think i will send you some so that i could end up featured on your posts!

  191. lizzy

    the hatemail is HILARIOUS!!!!!!! I dont understand y they even look at this website if they dont like it. u would think they would at least make sure that they spelled it right. i really dont understand these people who do stuff like that. its great that u can laugh it off though, kaleb. contrary to what the people who send the hatemail say, i absolutely love this website!!!!!! u r awesome!!!!!!!!!!

  192. jenb

    Wow. Those people need to learn how to spell and write the english language! That plus their “arguments” make these hilarious! What goofs. I'm glad you can just laught if off Kaleb. And no matter what anyone says you are awesome and I love your site! I love reading your thoughts and insights on my favorite book series, you make me laugh & have great insights I never thought of before. Do we need to make a Team Kaleb now?

  193. Myriah

    Wow. That's an epic failure on their behalf. the hate mail you receive is ridiculously hilarious. Keep em' coming! Those haters actually have a place in the world now…. other peoples' amusement.

  194. Anna

    wow. that had so many grammarical errors i almost went blind
    i love Jonas Brothers (yes thats how its spelled) but i wouldnt go to a TWILIGHT site to flaunt it
    love your site. You have a good view on the world
    congrats on the book

  195. LadyViolet

    Oww that just destroyed at least half of my brain ! Seriously how the hell can someone be *that* horrifyingly bad at spelling?!?! plus the fact whatever it was she was saying made NO sense at all!
    ugh now my brain is completely spoiled why oh why did they have to butcher the english language like that??
    But thank you so much Kaleb for putting them up – made me giggle no end -Jon ass brothers *tee hee*

  196. Lisa

    Epic indeed.

  197. McKenzie

    Oy vey, thats just scary… and horrifically painful. My IQ just dropped 10 points.Rofl, I feel an odd mixture of contempt and amusement at the human mind sometimes.

  198. Rachel M.

    You know, this inclines me to wonder if the haters ever look back upon this site. You know, just to check if their illiterate hate has done any damage? Oh, what I'd pay to see the reactions of these people after reading that all of us (who have the power of spell-check and actually understand the properties of writing and grammar) mock their pathetic attempts at hate mail. Just a thought.

    Keep the pincushions and pwns coming! :)
    -Rachel M.

  199. Fanpire_1918


  200. Imposter

    That was the stupidest shit I've ever seen!!!! The Jon Ass brothers! HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH That was hilarious.

  201. Lexi

    I KNOW RIGHT!! lol
    I mean come on people seriously
    Its called proof-reading lol :]

  202. Kalise

    That's what I thought at first as well. Though, after rereading the comment, I believe she means 'branded.' As in girls are branded and treated like cattle. Still, her argument doesn't really apply, nor does it make any sort of sense. Hahaha…hilarious!

  203. Pulak Kumar

    “I'm not being mean, I'm just telling u the truth.” Mmm….never thought the truth could ever mean incomprehensible gibberish

  204. http://sonlightfilms.net/?do=basic

    I don’t even know how I ended up here, however I thought this post was once good. I do not recognize who you’re but definitely you are going to a well-known blogger in the event you aren’t already. Cheers!

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